TRIGGER WARNING POSSIBLE ILLEGAL
Partners questionable choice of porn.
I’ll start by saying i have no issue with my partner watching porn...BUT...i have an issue with what he has recently looked at/watched/searched.
Titles like(apologies for this)...
Schoolgirl f***ed pain in ass
Teen anal
Teen screaming and crying during anal
Crying sister gets f***ed in ass
Terrified kidnapped teen
Stepbro brutally anal rapes crying
stepsister
Rough violent anal
I’m pretty shocked to say the least and i’m no prude by all means.We have children and these videos,even though i did not click on them to see what they were exactly,have make me sick to my stomach just from the titles.And whilst i do not think anything untoward has happened at all towards the kids,part of me thinks what if,like a drug addict..the more they have the more they crave and need to use..that he will get to a point where he tries to find even more messed up videos etc and the risk of it crossing over into real life.If that makes sense.He has been pretty rough with me a couple of times already to a point i was hurt afterwards.Like he was acting out thea videos with me.
I am definitely going to talk to him and would like some advice first.
I know there is a lot of messed up porn out there and everyone is into there own thing,but i’m really not sure how to take this.Tia
37 Replies
Yep listen to those red flags. This is not ok. What do you do?
1. You stop when he's rough. Whole thing stops right there. Later, verbally tell him it was too hard and you don't enjoy it and don't want him to do that, and if he did wish to HE should get consent first. If he doesn't care about consent then you know what you're looking at, don't you.
Listen to your gut. I would be disgusted and actually leave. I couldn’t stay with someone like that. I would also not stay with someone that hurt me, like you say. There is def red flags here. How awful for you to have to see that and be treated like that. I’d be sickened. Like Grose who would want to see that. The school girl and teen and raped words are the most sickening. He won’t stop even if he tells you that he has. It’s disgusting.
I'd be taking my children and going to report that with the evidence!! How scary this shit is!!! Absolutely disgusting and terrifying shit!! being a mum reading this I feel so much!! And worry about this world and our babies in it and when they're stuck with the other parent which is abusive etc.. scary shit. He won't tell you the truth you intuitively know what to do so be brave and do it
If I was you, I would get his computer or phone checked. This is very disturbing. Keep looking to see what else you can find incase he hides stuff. Then work out what to do before confronting him.
Ugh, gross, and not ok. I don’t care if the actors aren’t really teenagers, the entire idea of wanting to watch people who look under age is gross.
The violence involved is doubly worrying. I’d be rethinking his entire personality
I had a scroll through some of the well known porn sites out of sheer curiosity.
The amount of videos with "teen slut" followed by something degrading/borderline incestuous in the title was truly horrifying. Just from the thumbnail, you could tell these girls were young or they are at least look young enough that it makes them appear underage.
These videos popped up on the home pages as suggestions, I didn't search them or input any preferences.
People out there really believe porn is harmless and look, consensual porn with willing participants probably is but a lot of porn is quite damaging in my opinion. I'm talking about the depraved, the violent and the ones that play into those forbidden teen fetishes. I don't think that's harmless, I actually don't think it's says great things about people who enjoy content like that.
Your concern is valid, especially since he seems to be transferring some of that violence into your sex life. It'd be different if that was mutually enjoyed and consensual but it wasn't was it?
That would be my breaking point.
I dated a guy that I found out watched similar things like this, but disturbingly he also watched ‘omegal JB porn’ (I had to google what this was and found out it’s jail bait porn) quite literally very young boarder-line age ‘appropriate’ girls and on a chat forum that is designed for young people. I took screenshots of his search history looked though his whole phone and then right before I left caught him masturbating over little girls on YouTube. Went to the cops about it but apparently watching YouTube isn’t illegal even though his ‘behaviour was questionable’. The worst part was no one believed what I had seen because he’s a normal looking everyday guy. I’m still traumatised and can’t trust anyone anymore.
I was on a dating site talking to someone who said was a single dad. When he started saying his daughter rubs up to him and he can feel his daughter's developing breasts then asking if my son does similar, I said no because we respect each other's personal space and boundaries. I then took the chat to the police because I felt there's a father out there who is a risk to his daughter.
Yep, severed contact immediately thereafter.
Makes you sick to the stomach doesn’t it.
I don’t know if we’re hearing about it more often due to technology or it’s happening more often (probably due to technology and accessibility) but there certainly seems to be a high increase in this kind of inappropriate behaviour.
Seems like no matter where you look or what you read another man (usually) has been charged/arrested/accused of something related to child abuse. Sick.
Yup, red flags! My God I'd be mortified and I'd be tapping out.
Definitely not ok especially if he's hurting u during sex u really need to have a chat with.
While Consensual Non Consent is a type of kink.. this is crossing a line.
Him being rough with you is NOT ok, if you're not wanting it.
Maybe contact @PartnerSPEAK.org ... its for the non offending partners of people using child abuse material, they have a Facebook page... while these girls may be adult and it's technically not a crime, PartnerSpeak may be able to help you process x
Run. Pack your bags and get your kids to safety. Take photos of search history for proof, you'll need it. Also report to police.
Probably be one of the only ones that says what he watches on a porn site does not necessarily correlate to who he is in real life, CNC (consensual non consent) is a kink and would generally be what you’re seeing on a porn site.
However! Being rough with you during sex without prior consent is a massive red flag and that would be a reason to run for me.
I completely agree with this response. I watch rough porn but do not actually have rough sex.
I also agree though that no consent to rough play is not ok and the school girl bit is a little questionable.
I agree to these two comments as well. The search term “teen” could be a way to avoid older women videos, you know… would you rather watch a young Elle McPherson or a 70yo one. But also agree with the rough… if it does correlate to real life get out.
I totally agree with this response.
I too watch CNC but DO NOT wish for this to be transferred into my sex life with my husband.
However, being rough with you without your consent is extremely concerning.
Lack of consent here is the more worrying thing.
Please go and speak to the Police about it. Who knows what is on his computer and search history. His sexual violence towards you is not okay. Read through the comments on here, there is some good advice here. Make sure that your kids are safe and that he hasn't done anything to them.
Look into porn addiction and the effects of long term porn use. The more frequent the use the worse videos will be viewed. It may start as vanilla sex viewed but eventually to feed that part of the brain that releases the dopamine they need more frequent, then rougher/ more extreme videos and some not all do act out by having affairs etc. One of the more popular free online pages came out the other month stating that vanilla sex is on its way out as it’s the least viewed and they had over 13 billion hits in one month. Don’t get me wrong porn can be used in a healthy way but when it starts escalating in any way being hidden more frequent and causing issues in other areas of their lives it can be damaging. Even damaging to yourself look into betrayal trauma from porn use for yourself even if it’s just for understanding. Sorry you are dealing with this xx
My ex husband used to rape (I didn’t realise it was rape at the time) and take advantage of me when I was drunk and was very rough. I then saw his porn history and he would search videos that included rough sex and simulated rape scenes. Unfortunately I think It’s only a matter of time before you husband starts living out these fantasies in real life
I'm sorry any man who is searching teen anything especially associated with porn is a huge red flag. I personally wouldn't be able to get past this and would have to leave ...all the best x
I was one of those teen girls who was turned in to a webcam model by a 40 year old man. Let me tell you, I did not want to be there.
If he is viewing true teen porn, that is a crime. He could get charged with possession of child porn.
1- throw him out - this is not okay
2-tell the police I’m sure this is illegal porn
3-restraining order for you and the kids
4-document everything - get screen shots if you can
5- Centrelink and legal aid
This is not acceptable and not safe
I’m sorry but this is completely unacceptable advice. Do you know how men work? Do you know how porn sites work? Do you even know how relationships work?
1- throw him out - this is not okay
Actually watching porn and masturbation are both completely normal and healthy behaviours. You either don’t have a husband, you don’t know how to search your husbands porn history or your husband covers his viewing tracks very well. EVERY MODERNISED WESTERN MAN MASTURBATES: EVERY MODERNISED WESTERN MAN LOOKS AT PORN. And, oh honey, if you could only see the titles on some of the things your man has seen…
2-tell the police I’m sure this is illegal porn
If it was viewed on a porn site then it is most definitely not illegal porn. As porn sites work very hard to verify their content and follow the law. You mustn’t be very familiar with how porn sites work, or the content they actually contain if you are giving advice like this based on the OP’s original statement, seeing as there is a very simple explanation to the OP’s concerns which I have detailed in another comment.
3-restraining order for you and the kids
Sorry, but if you go to the police and tell them you want a restraining order because you don’t like your husband’s choice of porn they are going to tell you to get a real problem and that there are women out there who actually need restraining orders but it’s people like you who make the process harder by volunteering excuses such as these to impose unfair conditions on another human being.
4-document everything - get screen shots if you can
Document what? What has he done wrong here? If you knew anything about porn sites you would know that the title means next to nothing and very rarely closely resembles what is actually going on in the video. There’s only so many ways and so many positions in which people can have sex honey. Producers need to get creative and come up with ways to get more views on their content. Outrageous titles usually do the trick.
5- Centrelink and legal aid
Again, why? What exactly is she applying to Centrelink and legal aid for? I don’t see how they are going to help her have a conversation with her husband to help her better understand her husbands porn activity.
This is not acceptable and not safe.
What’s not acceptable and not safe is people like you giving uneducated, biased, extremist opinions tampering with peoples relationships and livelihoods. Don’t go around handing out advice when you have no idea what you are talking about.
Porn sites are not internet black holes. They are businesses with staff. Staff monitor users, run promotions, monitor forums, create chat rooms and competitions, they design the algorithms, they source the content. They are businesses and their sole objective is to make more money than their competitors. To make money they need to abide by the law or their sites will be closed down. For this reason alone, there is absolutely no illegal porn advertised on legitimate porn sites. The titles are a marketing ploy. In fact, the title usually has very little to nothing to do with what is going on in the video. The people in the videos are paid actors. Any subscribers who wish to post their own content first have that content reviewed by a person who works for the porn site.
That’s all types of wrong and sooo 🤮 gross if u have to ask random ppl if it’s wrong then u already know the answer sorry to say ..
my x husband was addicted to porn and used to act it out I could tell when he’d been watching more and more bcos he wasn’t the same 👎 ..
Nip it in the bud NOW !!
Going from a different angle here but I don't know. I watch porn occasionally, and I view things that I would never 100% do, ever!! It could be what he just likes to watch. I've watched step siblings. PARENT/Step children, Massages, Boss/Employee etc..would I ever do Any of that. Hell No!!
Are these titles he has searched or just the title of the videos? The titles on the videos are far from what the actual video is and it's very much just acting... Horrible horrible disgusting titles, horrible disgusting taste in acting choices but in no way is it teens or school girls. Disgusts me that they are even allowed these titles but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps it's just the title and not what he's actually into...
I am totally with you though and would be quite disturbed to find this search history and I would having a conversation with my husband about it if I was in your position, not sure how that would go down for you though.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation! I can imagine the thoughts and feelings you must be going through.
You can report this to the police anonymously, ask to speak with the SOCIT unit (not sure what state you're in) - but you can request to speak with the sexual offences criminal division to disclose what you've witnessed, show them screenshots/photos if you aren't comfortable or don't feel safe to take his electronic devices into the station yourself, explain your living circumstances and the ages of your children in the home, request advice and support. Considering you've got children residing at the same address (not sure if they're his biological children, adopted etc), police will most likely act immediately and possibly notify Child Protection to ensure the safety of your children has not been compromised or at risk. This isn't guaranteed to happen, but I just wanted to give you a heads up so that you're prepared in case it does and your children need to be interviewed.
There's a very grey area in the Porn industry! They intentionally hire consenting adults who look much younger than their biological age so they pass as children or teens in order to satisfy a very large market without it actually being child porn because it's illegal. I've worked on many cases involving the dark web, sat across the table during interviews with convicted paedophiles (who can look like - and be just your average man), as well as comforted traumatised children who were victims in these situations.
I personally wouldn't be allowing my children around anyone who was knowingly watching this as I couldn't trust them around my children anymore.
Sincerely wishing you all the best as you navigate your way through this terrible situation. Xx
Honestly, I watch porn and I ignore the titles. I see a preview and go off of that. Most videos are "fake" not actually teens or people in pain. I'd say don't think about the titles too much, maybe watch a few of the vids first?
Hey chick, I haven't read all the response but I just wanted to add.
The day I seen "Teenage porn" come up in my Ex partners search history I was instantly sick to my stomach. I made a huge deal about it until my best friends husband sat and explained to me that it wasn't 13 year old girls. It was infact sub category in porn with the perception of them being/ looking young.
I also see that the Anal is a reacquiring theme through the list. The list of names doesn't mean he necessarily searched those names but went into porn, scrolled the drop down box and hit "Anal".. and these movies come up. Once he watches them they stay in his history.
I'm not justifying his behavior. But most men have anal fetishes. It's the thrill of not being allowed I think that also amplifys the hunger and at times getting off to it on porn will be the closest thing to reality for some.
Talk with him. But please don't automatically assume his some sort of perverted child groomer. I'm saying that because thats what I thought my partner at the time was until I packed my things and later found out it wasn't the case
It is not porn your husband is watching. Porn is where two or more adults are having consensual sex together and for financial gain for other people to view online if that is what they are into.
It very much sounds like your husband is watching child exploration material. This is a massive concern and to be honest a good man would never search and view this material EVER!!!! Not even by accident!!!
I understand this is a very hard situation for you and I can't imagine what you are feeling but this needs to be reported.
It is paramount you seek advice asap.
https://www.esafety.gov.au/report/illegal-harmful-content
Talk with him. You may find that your partner is simply fascinated with anal. “Teen” porn aren’t normally teenage.
However, sexual fantasies can be just that. I’ve been raped a few times as a child and a teenager. The porn I enjoy and get off to sometimes is rape porn. Would I ever wish myself to be raped again, definitely not.
My partner enjoys Milf porn. His mum was a young mum, I’m a few years younger than my partner. Is he attracted to older women? No, we’ve had this discussion. He’s attracted to a woman taking control, being experienced and a woman seducing a man.
I would be wondering what would drive him to watch that kind of porn?
I had a partner 5 years ago who watched porn more than we had sex and when we did have sex he tried to act it out, it was so gross, like fingering the bum 🤢 or one time he put a blanket over his eyes and body but left himself open to being played with. It made me very uncomfortable.
In your situation, i would say what he want is domination, he wants to be the alpha male and watching these videos probably makes him feel just that. Still, those titles are very disturbing. I hope your kids arent near the ages of those so called "actors" and also i hope that his personality doesnt revolve around those videos? Have you noticed his attitude change? If it makes you uncomfortable, especially with how he hurt you during sex, make a note of it, keep a notepad. Address it to the police as well, his attitude, your notes, screenshots etc even if what he is watching or doing is innocent but porn, and especially continuous use of porn can cause problems with a persons perception, and if anything was ever to go down with him and another person, they have something on record that could put him away. Sorry for the long response.
Omfg. That is red flags. They are all issues Very very disturbing
You say you don’t think anything untoward has happened to the girls in the video, but admit you haven’t watched them so you don’t actually know that. If that was my husband, I’d be out of there like a shot and he would be reported to the police to be investigated. And I would never have sex with anyone who thought it was ok to act out his fantasies where I’m left hurt, without my explicit permission. Those are the biggest red flags I think I’ve ever read on this page.
Okay;
1. Is this video history all from one day or over a span of days/weeks/months? If they are all from the same day chances are that he was looking at a video on the site and like with YouTube, “related” videos will be displayed on the same page as the video you are watching. “Related” can mean that it’s a similar genre, it has some of the same actors, it has a the same group of tag words attached to it, it has a similar title etc.
You will probably find that your husband has veered off clicking on “related” videos and wasn’t actually typing those terms into the search bar. You can further confirm this by looking at the time frame in which the videos were clicked on. If the timing was only a few minutes apart your husband was probably just scrolling through videos. Think of it like flicking through tv stations until you find a decent show.
To help you understand these relations I will put the keyword/s relating to the video before and after it in CAPITALS
SCHOOLGIRL f***ed in ASS
TEEN ANAL
TEEN screaming and CRYING during ANAL
CRYING sister gets f***ed in ASS
TERRIFIED kidnapped teen
Stepbro BRUTALLY anal rapes crying
stepsister
These are all in order from the first video to the last and you can see how one can follow on from another
Vid1: Schoolgirl -> Vid 2: Teen
Vid1: Ass -> Vid2: Anal
Vid2: Teen -> Vid3: Teen
Vid 3: Crying -> Vid4: Crying
Vid3: Anal -> Vid4: Ass
Vid4: Crying -> Vid5: Terrified
Vid5: Terrified -> Vid6: Crying
See how they are all related in some way and connected in sequence. Porn sites are all about keywords and algorithms. This shows that your husband was probably clicking on a video (usually picked based on the trailer of the video, not the title) it didn’t tickle his fancy, so he scrolled down lower in the page and clicked on another with an interesting trailer, that was also no good so he clicked on another video and so forth and so forth. The words “sister”, “step bro” and “step sister” are not the reasons those videos have been clicked on. They have been clicked on because in a subtle way one of the acts or features of the video matches that of the one he is already looking at.
2. The titles of these videos are designed to be outrageous in order to try and grab the viewers attention. “Schoolgirl” the adult actress is probably wearing a naughty schoolgirl outfit which are widely sold throughout Australia.
I watch porn with my husband and there are an insane amount of videos with the words “step brother” “step dad” “step sister” “MIL” etc. like an INSANE amount. Honestly I don’t know why. I think it is because it has that shock factor attached to it and it’s freaky. Guys like to look at creepy shit, I don’t know why, they just do.. I mean, they think it’s funny for a horse to fuck a chick ffs, like wtf. They’re just weird creatures and freaky shit catches their attention. Majority of the time these titles have nothing to do with what is going on in the video. If you didn’t see it in the title you wouldn’t even think that the actors were pretending to be brother and sister. Also remember, your husband is likely watching these on mute so as not to disturb anyone so he’s not hearing “oh yeah you like that sis?” He’s literally just watching people have sex ( I can’t stand watching porn with the sound on, it’s cringey af). I have looked at videos that contain the word kidnapped in the title and they hardly simulate a real kidnapping. For example one I saw was titled something like “teen kidnapped and brutally raped” (before you think anything, remember I am very well aware of how porn sites work and was under no impression that this was actually going to be a video of someone being raped. No thank you, not into that shit. To me it’s simply another gang bang video and I’ll decide if it’s any good based on the actual video and not the stupid arse title)... it started off with a 20/25yr old woman pretending to be asleep in her bed in her lingerie. A group of men in masks came into her room, turned the lights on, picked her up, passed her around in a circle for a bit (like literally just held her by her arms and passed her back and forth to make it look as though it was chaos) then she gets on the floor, a guy slaps her (hardly) once in the mouth and then she starts voluntarily giving each guy head for a few minutes, at which point I was like nah this is shit let’s change it. As you can see she was visibly not a teenager, she was hardly kidnapped and that slap in the face followed by volunteer gobbies to the whole gang was hardly simulating a rape. I have come across videos where I have clicked on a title and i have been like wow this is a bit too realistic and have had to quickly get out of it but I think I have maybe only ever come across 1 or 2 that have made me go holy shit that ain’t right. Remember snuff is illegal. Porn sites can’t legally show it. He’s not watching someone get raped.
3. Remember that majority of these sites are American and a) it is illegal to show child porn or impersonate child porn on any website. b) “Teen” in America refers to actors impersonating women ages eighTEEN nineTEEN and twenty. At the age of 21 you are considered an adult whereas in Australia you are considered an adult at the age of 18 so when you think of “teens” you’re picturing 13-17 year olds (children) whereas on the site “Teen” is actually in reference to young adults. “Schoolgirl” refers to college schoolgirls (average age of graduation is 22/23yrs). Incest is also illegal in most countries and therefore porn sites would never allow videos of siblings or close relations to be posted on their sites. Snuff, incest, teens are not an issue on porn sites. It’s not real, your husband knows it’s not real because it doesn’t even come close to looking real. If your husband were watching these videos on WikiLeaks then I would say you have some serious conversations to have but it’s a porn site with people fucking, and trust me, there’s only so many ways people can fuck before they run out of ways and need to get creative to get views so they use outrageous titles. I’ll tell you right now the video of the step brother fucking his step sister would have been no different to the first video he watched of the “teen” getting fucked. They’re just titles.
4. This is your husband. You share children and your lives together. If this is something that concerns you then go back through that computer history and really properly study the last 3 months of videos watched and look for patterns, click on the videos so you can actually get a scope of what is going on in these videos, look at the duration of the video and the time between loading new pages (say he clicks one video at 9.30pm and that video has a duration of 10 minutes but by 9.32 he has clicked on a new video then clearly the last one was of no interest to him) . Then bring up your concerns with him, if you still have any.
In regards to him getting too rough, it already sounds to me as though the lines of communication could be a bit more open when it comes to your sex lives. During sex a lot of testosterone is released and men can tend to get excited and rougher, especially if it is feeling good for them. When this happens it can be easy for men to fail to recognise the non verbal cues that their partner may not be enjoying what they are doing. This is why communication is so important. Unless you speak up then and there and tell him that you don’t like it he may think that it feels as good for you as it does for him. It’s only if you were to tell him to stop being rough and he didn’t that it would be an issue. It’s not that he is trying to violate you or belittle you or gain power over you, it may just be that he is too excited recognise that he is being too rough. There have been times where my husband has gotten excited and it feels good up until a point where it doesn’t anymore. As soon as I don’t like it I tell him that it’s not feeling good or to slow down or be more gentle and he quickly apologises and corrects himself. Sometimes I have to remind him 3-4 times during sex just because he is getting to into it that he doesn’t realise but I never think anything sinister of it because each time he apologises and corrects himself. Then usually later on when we’re finished he would apologise again for getting carried away and say he didn’t mean to hurt me and I say the same thing every time “it’s okay, I know, you didn’t hurt me, I love you”. The reason I say that he didn’t hurt me is because I know he would feel horrible if he thought he did hurt me and also because if I feel him getting too carried away I stop him the second it starts to get uncomfortable. Of course if this was happening every time we had sex then we would need to have a conversation about him becoming too selfish in the bedroom but it’s not often this happens, I just want you to know that a slip up in excitement doesn’t mean he holds any hostility towards you or is trying to feel more powerful. Sometimes it happens, but if you don’t tell him that it’s not nice at the time, well he’s not a mind reader and he probably feels that you would be comfortable enough with him to speak up if something was going on that you weren’t enjoying, so he can safely assume that you’re having as good a time as he is. Communication during sex is just as important as the sex itself.
I hope I have put your mind at ease a bit. It took me years, a lot of snooping then a lot of fighting then a lot of open mindedness to realise that videos on porn sites are all the same regardless of the title. I’ve been in your situation. Stress less. The women telling you to run are probably not very familiar with how porn sites work and have probably watched very little throughout their lives. The advice I’m giving you is coming from a 29 year old, married woman with two kids, a 10 year long relationship, 2 porn site subscriptions (shared with my husband) and hours of watch history up her sleeve. STRESS LESS.
Ps. Sorry to write such a long reply but this is something that could really fuck up a marriage if not looked at correctly.