How do I find time for me??
Im a single mum, I have two kids miss 10 and mr 6, both to different fathers. I have miss 80% of the time because her father lives over and hour away and it isn't viable for him to have more time with her due to her school commitments but we try share time with her as much as possible, this was easy during lockdown but now not so much. He has decided too that he is moving further away with his wife and kid which has put a burden on my daughter because she loves him so much and hates the travel.
My son, well he's a hand full!! ADHD combination type, ODD, PTSD and autism level 2 without and intellectual impairment. He's so full on, he needs meds to function at school and to sleep at night. The school legitimately can not handle him, im called multiple times a week and have been since he started school. He's been suspended 6 times and is onto his second school because getting a diagnosis and medication is difficult in Victoria and expensive, some don't even diagnose until they're 6, which he only turned a few months ago. His father and I dont get along, he has been very abusive towards my son and abused drugs and alcohol in front of him, I have a restraining order on him but he's decided not to be involved in his son's life and hasn't been around since January. But we attend regular appointments with therapists and are trying to nut out my sons insecurities and stresses of general life and his dads abuse.
I dont really have the support of anyone, my mum is a narcissis and has many times called me a ba mum and just hasn't even wanted to support me in any way. My brother moved in after just getting out of prison too and he's stuck here with me for 2 yrs!! He brings so many girls into my home, just dosent realy set a good aexamplle for my kids, always yells at them for being.... well kids!!
I've been doing this all on my own for 5 years with no real support, I have borderline personality disorder, which I struggle with daily, I own my own house and have worked really really hard to get where I am but I don't find mean in my life any more, I dont even find time to date or get involved with anyone, see my friends or even have connections with people my age. I've been feeling so alone and depressed lately that I haven't really been able to get out of bed and be a "proper" mum, the house stays dirtier longer, I order dinner in stead of cook and lately Ive just leave my kids to their own devices in the loungeroom while I hide in my bedroom. I need to get out of this rut but I have sooo much responsibilities and I work so much it's just too hard.
What are some tips to get me motivated again, get me out there and maybe find some supports, waiting lists are killing me!! I just dont know what to do or how to go about life any more!!
3 Replies
Get rid of your brother firstly. You are allowing him to treat your kids like this and bring diff girls home. This is yours and your child’s home. He needs to go!
Join some local groups. See if you can get some respite for your son, so you get some time out.
Get your kids every afternoon and go for a walk together just to get your son to wind down and get out.
What an awful situation for you. Remember it’s not forever and you are doing your best. It’s bloody hard work!
Get your brother out, #1. Tell him he needs to find somewhere else to go, then call his parole office (I assume this is why you're "stuck" with him) and tell them he can't live there anymore and you need to revoke your permission.
Hire a cleaner. If you can afford to order dinner, you can afford a cleaner instead. Maybe there's a non-working Mum at the school who would like some extra cash for a couple of hours a week.
See if you qualify for respite care for your son, even if it's just a couple of hours a week. Then you can get some downtime to relax a bit & do something for yourself.
1. Brother out.are you the op that mum and dad told you you had to have him even though rent was breaking you?? He is an adult, not your problem and definitely should not be allowed to become the reason for your kids problems. Put him out.
It may seem counterintuitive when you're feeling lonely and isolated, but you have to look at what situation you're in, what are these adults actually bringing vs taking.
2. Build a network of trusted supportive people.
3. I get my down time when the kids are at school. Or after school care. I don't get any free time on weekends or nights, so I need to plan it in for day times. Don't feel bad it's not the norm, do what you have to do. But you need to have something to look forward to. You need to know when your next down time is going to be. Whether it's a catchup with friends, a yoga class, a couple of wines, whatever it is that helps you offload and reset.