Please Help!!
My gorgeous natured soon to be 3 year old has become so fearful. I dont want him to be afraid of the world.
1st he had a nasty encounter with a freak wave at the beach. He is now scared of all bodies of water lager than the bath tub!
2nd he was man handled a little at his last hair cut and is now terrified of having his hair cut! He is happy to play with the clippers and shave his dad head but will scream when the clippers are turned to him.
What can I do to help him feel less afraid of these things in particular?
Overall he is a super happy go lucky kid but trying to manage him while he is having a fit at the pool when I have a 1yo in my arms is so overwhelming.
5 Replies
Lots and lots of small exposure, plenty of time.
Role model resilience. We don't like things, things scare us, or happen to us, but we shake it off and try again. Model phrases like, 'oh well, never mind' 'I can try again' 'maybe next time!'
You can also remember good experiences to balance it out.
You can also change the script in their mind. So that freak wave has become the only part of the beach now, remind him about all the other fun he had that day, he probably actually loved that day. Good and bad things happen, and that's ok, don't let them focus on the bad to the point they forget the good. It's worth it for the fun!
Speak out loud to model. Or) oh I really didn't like when the lady at the shop grabbed my bag. That made me sad and now I'm worried to go back there. That's ok, usually I like it. Next time will be better.' or 'next time I could say stop, I don't like that" "or choose to go to a different lady"
This is normal for small children. My son was scared of the bath and potty. Don't force him to get over it. He doesn't need to face his fear or get back on the horse. That will make it worse. Letting him play safely as he is with it is a great first step. So he will learn it's not scary. Eventually you could try encouraging him to try again. For now just use scissors. I sponged bathed my son and let him play with his potty until he got over it naturally. Maybe make waves in the bath or in a tub of water with him so he learns they can be fun.
When I was about 8 or 9, a so called friend forced me under the water in a pool with all her body weight. I could hear her laughing hysterically above the water while I panicked and thrashed. I was bordering on unconsciousness when thankfully an adult fished me out.
I won't lie, I never really got past it. That fear and anxiety goes deep!
My parents tried to be reassuring and tried the resilience route with their "face your fears" and "get back on the horse" approach. I know they meant well but I really didn't feel they understood how terrified that experience left me.
What I needed was acknowledgement, some time to process and actually be ready to be reintroduced to the water again, probably some professional swimming lessons to get my confidence back up too.
As for the haircuts, maybe give the clippers a break for a bit. I imagine having a noisy vibrating machine come up to your head after a bad hairdresser experience would be a bit nerve wracking. Watching some YouTube vids with some of those fun barbers cutting little boys hair may also be helpful.
It is anxiety, there's heaps of info out there on this. I would see if you can have the one year old looked after by someone else when at the pool? Don't dismiss his fears but also don't let him use it as an excuse for not doing it which is a hard thing to do but important for them to learn how to deal with their anxiety rather than be it's prisoner and let it control their life. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, little steps and lots of praise.