My husband has been very unhappy for years, we got married young and had kids young and even though he is a great dad and provider it's almost as though his heart is not in it. He has said he wants to know what it is like to be on his own as he never got that because we got together so young. He has gone to a few sessions of counselling but then quit, saying it didn't help, he has very low self esteem and I believe depression but I can't get him to see anyone or get help for it. I am tired, every few months for the past two years it comes up, that he loves me, he loves the kids but he is just not happy and I honestly don't know how much more I have in me. I've gotten to the point where I'm just tired, it's almost as if he holds me back because I want to do lots of fun family stuff but he is always too tired. I love him but I also want what is best for him, for me and our kids. I suppose what I'm asking is if a trial seperation would help. I know there are so many worse problems to have and we are best friends and communicate and love each other but we just don't make each other happy. I'm scared of seperating but I'm also scared of what will happen if we keep going down this road. I'm not sure what I'm asking, I just don't know what to do anymore.
4 Replies
I think it’s time to separate. Start making a plan to separate finances, homes and care of the kids. I wouldn’t consider it a trial though. I’d consider it a done deal.
Separating sounds like it would be liberating for you both and although change is scary that shouldn’t stop you both from moving forward in your lives.
You can’t make someone else happy.. they need to find it within themselves..
It is not fair that he keep you in limbo. Either he is in and works on himself or he walks away.
A trial seperation might be the way to go. However, I'd prepare for the trial to become a permanent personally.
I'm not saying you or he will think that life is better, but please be prepared.
Have you considered talking to each other and inviting a unicorn into the relationship? It's not for everyone but it may work for you both. It seems you both love each other still but are struggling with unmet desires, talk to each other and be open and honest make rules , set boundaries and have fun we only live once.