Suffocating and drowning

I recently started imaging my mind as if I were standing in a small room, with people yelling things such as orders, demands and requests at me. Each voice is a different job or a responsibility that needs my attention, work, kids, uni, husband, housework etc.

Some days there's only a few people yelling things at me, and I can pull the important voices out of the crowd, focus on them and move on with my day relatively easily. Latley though, I feel like I'm drowning; like I'm being pulled down by an invisible anchor and the only one that can help me, is me, but I can't find the door to get out of this little room, which has now gotten smaller, and somehow there are now even more voices yelling at me.

I feel as though I am really struggling to pull the clear voices out of the crowd now, because there are too many yelling at me at the same time. I try my hardest to focus on the biggest voice - my job during the day, but I can constantly feel the pressure of all the other responsibilities weighing on me. My mind frequently wanders and starts tuning in to the different voices when I should be focused on the jobs at hand. I feel that not 1 aspect of my life gets my full attention or the best version of myself. This makes me feel like a failure, which in its self is one of the voices that yells the loudest!

I come home at the end of the day and am beyond exhausted. I fall in a heap and long for peace and rest from the comfort of my bed, but I can't find it. The vortex of voices spins even louder now and all the things I could and should be doing are now weighing on my mind too, but I have nothing left to motivate me to move. I pull myself together for short bursts to make dinner, bath the children, kiss them good night etc, but all the while I feel immense guilt that it is such an effort for me to do these simple tasks. The laundry and dishes mock me, the unswept floor is disgusted by me and my carpets scream at my laziness.

Friends say that I should change my diet, or exercise, or sleep more - I know these things will help me too, but how can I find my way to a gym, when I'm lost in the never ending exhaustion that comes with listening to my own flaws yelling obscenities at me all day every day. How can I shop for, cook, prepare and clean up after full and nutritious dinners when standing for a mere 5 minute interval requires a massive burst of energy, which is burned up almost instantly.

How can I find my way out of this god awful room, when the voices/ the responsibilities weigh so heavily on me, that the door is always in sight, but painfully out of reach.

How can I do anything when I just feel lost and empty. I could be sitting next to my family, but feel utterly alone.

I'm drowning.