I don’t think my partner is attracted to me. I think he was when we first got together but I really don’t think he is anymore. He never initiates sex unless he’s drunk, and I’ve spoken to him about it a few times and he always has some excuse or doesn’t say anything. He knows I need more sex and I need to feel like he find me attractive (I have massive anxiety about this from a past relationship so even though I am working on it personally, it’s still something I need reassurance with). I honestly think that if I stopped initiating sex then we wouldn’t have it again. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me very much and he’s not a bad person, I just don’t think he’s attracted to me. I tell him everyday how attractive I find him and I initiate sex regularly (although I’ve backed off now that I can see how he’s feeling), but even after showing how I want to be treated and talking to him about it, nothing seems to change.
Would you be able to stay with someone who loves you so much and treats you well but isn’t attracted to you? I don’t know if I’ll regret it.
Could you be with someone who finds you unattractive?
Could you be with someone who finds you unattractive?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
I'm the same in regards to my partner not finding me attractive. It really hurts... I know I'm not hot or anywhere near a beauty queen but I read about couples who's husbands still find them attractive years later even if life has been most unkind to them and yet there's something supernatural that they have (a really strong connection?) that bypasses the outside. I REALLY want that <3
I dealt with this in my last two relationships. I couldn't do it anymore. I then left and started to date older men. They have wayyyyy higher sex drives! The first guy was wonderful but unfortunately he had to move away due to his ex wife getting an amazing job out of state and he wanted to be close to his daughter. The guy I'm dating now is older as well and he can't keep his hands off me. I read that men are getting less and less testosterone compared to decades ago.
How do you know it's that he doesn't find you attractive and not that his sex drive hasn't taken a dive and/or he's dealing with other issues that take his desire to have sex that are unrelated to you?
You need to speak to him about this instead of assuming things
I have spoken to him about it a couple of times but nothing has changed. I know that it’s not his sex drive as I will still give him a hand job very regularly or he will take care of himself on a very regular basis, so that’s definitely not the issue.
A handy/mastubating is different than penetrative sex though. Sex requires far more intimacy, energy and input and that might not be something he has the ability to give right now.
Either way, you can't keep thinking it's you when it might have nothing to do with you
My husband left me 5 years ago with little explanation. But I’m sure this is the reason. We didn’t fight etc but he just had zero attraction to me. I knew it deep down for the last few years and it ruined my self esteem. Sorry you are going through this