Hello lovely ladies, I hope everyone in the affected areas is safe and well. My question may not resonate with many.. but hopefully someone may have a similar story. Hopefully, this is a quick back story... I was young and confused when I left home, and my family turned their back. After meeting my "first love" I ended up an addict at 17 and spent 5 years in active addiction, then 7 years in a cycle of trying to get clean and relapsing. Fast forward to the age of 30 and I thought I met "the love of my life" and fell pregnant a yr after meeting him. He was successful and seemed to have it all together, however after bub was born he changed (retrospectively) and became abusive. The abuse, over the years escalated to the point I had to flee with our children after 9 years together. Anyway, 1.5 years later we are out, safe and in a routine, although affected by lockdown. With all this in mind, my issue is actually connecting with other people, more so women, my age. I have tried meetings (N.A- but I find it too triggering- I want to just get on with my life and not go over it) and then the normal ways people connect like- the gym, or connecting with other mumas etc but, I just don't fit in. I know Lockdown is not helping, but I am so utterly alone. Although i now have my family, I have no friends apart from work mates. No one I can relate to. Constantly having to hide this other side of my life. I have been to a counsellor, a social worker and a psychologist, but talking to professionals just doesn't help. It feels fake.. and I feel uncomfortable. Is there anyone else that has experienced anything like this, and have any suggestions?
2 Replies
Hi!
It sounds like you have quite the story to tell.
Potentially, do people maybe feel threatened by you and your past? I don't think it is something you should hide however it may scare some people.
I had a friend who left a DV situation and the friendship was great, until her ex found out about my family and began stalking up. It really left me wary of befriending someone who had been through the same because as much as it wasn't them, I felt it compromised my family's safety.
Oh yes! Very much so!
I think for me i use to connect with fellow addicts, our addictions are what we had in common.
Now that I'm clean I feel so lost when it comes to connecting with others.
I have just learnt to be comfortable in my own company. Which was hard, still is at times. But I think without the drugs and abusive ex partner im still discovering who I am. I hope once im comfortable with myself and figure out who I am without all that other stuff that making friendships will happen.
I think also I constantly remind myself of how far I have come. Sometimes I still feel like I dont fit in "normal people circles" but I think that's my ex and addiction talking.
So in short focus on being comfortable in your own company, find out who you are. And drown those past voices out with alot of positivity and hopefully the rest will fall in place.
Good luck x