Hi IM's after some advice. I just recently discovered that my husband has been signed up to an online whores site. I have called him out on it, he assures he has never done anything physical or even met with anyone but i still feel like this is a massive betrayal and a form of cheating. I just dont know what to do.
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Yes he would be. I know one who is seeing one and has had 2 kids with her, while married. The wife had no idea until the second kid was born. He still continues to see her to this day. It’s been 4 years now. She still continues her job.
As an porn addict in recovery,I’d like to contribute to this conversation.
The only way forward is for your SO to confront his behaviours, which boil down to a massive traumatic betrayal and selfishness, mysoginy and hateful degradation. I am guilty of the same and would do anything to undo my mistakes.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Porn is a massive problem and men need to step up and talk about it openly and honestly.
Thank you for your honest comment. Did you ever take it further than just looking or talking to? Or coyld there be truth to him saying he hasnt acted on it?
I didn’t escalate to acting but that was my trajectory. Sounds like he is in a similar situation. I also put myself in high risk situations; was distant and adolescent in my behaviour, and did not put any effort into connecting with my SO. I also gaslit her about it, denying there was a problem for years until I came clean and told her absolutely everything. That included going through my phone, laptop, hard drives and seeking help. Trust has been severely damaged if not totally torched and it is up to him to build that back up now. But you have to do what is right for you and protect yourself.
Well i will congratulate you on facing up to it and owning it. Well done. Yes the trust is vroken and i dont know how to get it back. I do love him with everything and in most ways he is the most amazing husband and best friend. But now it is tainted.
A male, married friend told me the other day, he’s considering going to see a professional.
He claims the marriage is shit. But isn’t in counselling and won’t leave because it’s inconvenient.
I’ve been firm in my stance with him. His behaviour is unacceptable even if his marriage is in the crapper. He either talks to his wife and genuinely works on his marriage, or he leaves. He has options, that aren’t cheating on his wife. They are just inconvenient to him, to act on.
To say I’m disgusted with him, is an understatement.
I should say ex friend!
I just dont understand. He always says how happy he is with me and loves me. Loves our future we have planned. When i asked why he does it he said its the attention. Which then made me feel like im not doing enough. Which i k ow isnt true. He also wont even consider councilling
Hi, I’ve literally said the same thing. That’s really just deflecting and putting his infidelity on you. I’d hazard a guess and say he’s been deep into porn for a long time and has escalated.
If you check out the love after porn thread on reddit there is a lot of insight and tools for addicts and spouses.
It's possible he hasn't acted on it yet or been in contact with anyone but the intent is there, people don't sign up for anything if they don't intend on participating in whatever it is they signed up for.
That intent is just as bad as the action in my view.