I know I'll probably get told its none of my business and what he does in his house is up to him but I don't care! Im so fking over having my kids stay up til midnight or who knows when because their dad has his girlfriend over! Besides the fact that we are in a lockdown involving our kids school and you arent supposed to have visitors at your house 🤬
I am home alone as its my kids weekend with thier dad and have just finished watching Netflix at 11:30pm and gone to turn the xbox off to see that my 11yr old is on the xbox at his dads watching YouTube. Looked on my phone to see my daughter is on instagram. Yes I monitor what my children do online and have every right to. From previous experience this tells me their dad has his girlfriend staying over and has gone to bed with her leaving them unsupervised. It has happened before and I have asked him about it because our son has been caught looking up inappropriate things on YouTube and our kids have been up late the night before on the excuse that its a weekend and then come home to me the next day overly tired and arguing over stupid little things and causing unnecessary stress for me! I don't know what I'm asking really but am so freakin over his lack of responsibility and respect for me and the rules that he made me put in place for our kids to start with!
So over it!
So over it!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
15 Replies
It's one of those things that you'd be better off not being able to see. Of course it pisses you off. Of course it's wrong. But you can't do anything about it. I guess you can ask them what time they went to bed, what they did etc. How they feel about it. And can message him succinctly outlining the issue. It's probably not going to be productive though, you have to choose you're battles.
I found out about the other times because my kids told me they were up and on devices so late because they are great kids and felt bad doing it when they knew it was against our rules. They still did it but of course they did they are kids!! I tried to speak to him about it but he doesn't care, hes acting like a kid himself saying he will do whatever he wants so I give up!
My youngest son’s iPad is still linked to mine. I have screen time limits in place because he would stay up past midnight otherwise when at his father’s house. I’ve always had a set bedtime, adjusting the time as he’s gotten older. His father has whinged at times over it but I refuse to turn the limits off unless it is school holidays. Can you put screen time limits on the Xbox account? And the phone or iPad your daughter is using?
Its so frustrating! Unfortunately that xbox is his dads, we each have one that he has accounts on that are "friends" with each other so we can see when hes online but I cant control when he is on at his dads. I possibly could on their phones because I pay for them but knowing their dad he'd find a way to get around that and let them on if they want to
If you're in Qld, I imagine he's thinking that they either aren't going to school or the school is baby sitting [if you're an essential worker]. It's 2 days. Our kids aren't learning anything. My kids aren't even allowed computer games during term because my son is ASD and they lead to melt downs. We tried limiting them or using as rewards and eventually realised that the only way to help him during term was to take them away entirely. We let them have them this weekend and used lockdown as school holiday rules. He now has today and tomorrow to withdraw from the computer games. Maybe your ex felt similar?
Also, you don't know if the girlfriend was there, you're guessing. And if she was, maybe it's because that's where she was during the week and staying there was actually reduced risk to going to her house? I remember when I was diagnosed with swine flu in 2009 and made to quarantine for a week I did so at my boyfriend's house [now husband] because that's the place I'd been at leading up to the diagnosis. If I'd gone home, I would have spread it to more people.
His girlfriend was definitely there as were her children. My children attend one of the schools that covid positive person was at, although they are considered low risk as were not even in an area that person came in contact with, which is the only reason I let them go to their dads in the first place, I could have kept them with me as they have only been at my house for the week prior. My kids and I have been tested and come back negative.
I know I can't control what he does but I am pissed about the lack of respect for me and our rules and also the rules of the medical officers and government by having his girlfriend and her children in his home during the lockdown
If your kids were low risk and tested negative, they continue normal behaviour and only get tested again if the get sick. And if she was already there, that might have been a choice to stay. Announcing lock down on a Saturday effective the same day meant lots of people didn't know as quickly as they would have on a work/school day.
I know what my kids need to do thank you. I took them to their fathers on Saturday afternoon, his girlfriend was not there. Her and her children came over on the sunday and stayed the night and they were all very aware of the lockdown and the rules, they just dont care. That is what pisses me off
I'm confused why you feel like you could have kept them with you then? Lockdown doesn't impact on custody arrangements and their low risk requirements were over.
Fair enough if you now know she joined them on Sunday. I'd be annoyed at the added risk. But you seem annoyed about the late bedtime...
I know this is a frustration a lot of my separated friends share. At one parent's house there's rules, structure and boundaries in place for the children's wellbeing, then at the other parent's house it's a free for all shit show which puts the first parent back to square one after each visit.
I think you may need to remember that your gripe is with your ex, not his new girlfriend - being annoyed with her is both pointless and will only make you feel worse.
Being angry and ranty about all this in general also achieves nothing apart from making you feel shitty. If there's something constructive to be done such as having a conversation about why the kids need screen time limits and a reasonable bedtime, then do that. If that would be futile, you may just need to let it go for your own sanity.
It also sounds like your kids are old enough to know that what flies at dad's doesn't at mum's and they're also old enough to take some accountability for their choices, ie, you wanna stay up til stupid o'clock all weekend at dad's don't expect any sympathy come 7am Monday morning when it's time to get up for school/home learning.
Unfortunately you said it yourself. when they're at Dads there's not much you can do about how he raises them there. Just teach your kids to contunue being responsible the way they are at your place until it sinks in. And if it helps, don't let them take their electronic things there . Plus you're in a lockdown so does it really matter right now? As i assume they aren't going to school anyway and have limited things to do to fill time.
Thanks, I know about the other times its happened because they are good, responsible kids and have told me about it because they know right from wrong. Maybe one day they'll teach their dad! 😂 It isnt as big a deal when they dont have to go to school, I just needed a vent
I'm just wondering since I'm in WA and no lockdowns here ... but are partners excempt from visiting one another? I think partners might have different rules?
No they aren't. But you usually stay in the same house you were in. So if she was there and didn't know about lockdown until after it began at 4pm she would stay there.
Could you possibly be jealous of his new girlfriend? What he does in his house besides abuse, is not really your place. Just as you would not like it if he made rules for your house. If you want full control over your kids then maybe you need to try for full custody. Until then, if your kids are happy at their dads, stop trying to push your rules there.