hi all.
Im recently in a new relationship we are 2 months in.
He tells me he loves me but I don’t say or feel it back.
My backstory.
4 kids -first parent I was with from 15-highly controlling,vindictive,and physically abusive took me years to leave him as knew there would be hell to pay when I did.
Second partner-swept me off my feet- love letters,sweet dates and butterflys-I was madly in love with him-fell pregnant un planned and he than fell in love with a friend a pretty much picked me up from hospital after the birth of our daughter dropped me home and ended things.
Third partner- I’ve never met someone so evil and cruel-he ended up raping me multiple times and sexually assault one of my children.
New guy-kind caring is patient- but yet I feel nothing-he has two kids and when I spend time with him I just can’t wait for him to leave or me to leave.
My kids like him-they have hated my other two.
Yet I just like my own company and to put It frankly I don’t want to put in any effort Id rather sleep ,im flat out with kids work and sports .
Do I stick around and hope in able to form a attachment to him ,am I able to fall in love again-he isn’t the kind of guy I’m attracted to he’s a kind sweet guy he’s everything I need yet I find myself just not wanting him.
I only see him 1-2 times a week .
What to do
7 Replies
I believe you are capable of loving again but at this time and with this guy, you should break up with him.
You have enough on your plate with the kids and you need a lot more time to recover.
Staying in a relationship because your kids like him is a bad idea all round.
If you do decide to date again, please don’t introduce your kids to him until you know what your feelings are and you truly know the guy, personally not before 6 months of dating.
I’d also suggest some counselling for yourself.
You never have to be in a relationship if you don’t want one. It’s definitely a good idea to not continue to see someone because you just aren’t feeling it (in fact it’s the kind thing to do, rather than drag out something that’s not going anywhere).
ITS OK TO BE SINGLE!!!!!
It is ok to be single and to enjoy your own company and just focusing on being a mum and healing from your past 🥰
I think you are capable of loving again but you are (rightfully and understandably) wary of forming another attachment. I also wonder whether you've been conditioned to think that relationships start with passion and butterflies and fireworks and because this guy isn't bringing them you are thinking that you don't have the feels for him. Just something to think about.
To be fair to this new guy, you probably need to end things with him. Be with yourself, get some therapy, get comfortable with who you are. Much love xx
Just be single. If you can't wait for him to leave when you only see each other 1 or 2 times a week it's pretty clear he's not the one for you. Stay single.
Leave your kids out of your dating life.
You aren't even sure about this guy.
Haven't they been traumatized enough?
You do you, just do it without your kids.
You pretty much said you don’t like being with this guy? You can’t wait for him to leave so then why be with him, let him go find someone who wants him and don’t hold him back and him thinking you do. You don’t seem like you want a relationship, it’s like you feel you have to or need to. Maybe just take time out and work on your self get some help, you been thru a lot, enjoy your kids and let it happen naturally. Sometimes we find the right love in unexpected places at unexpected times. Good luck.