Unloveable

Hi IM’s

I need some help or advice. I actually don’t know what I need but maybe I just need some reassurance that things will get better.

I ended my marriage over 18 months ago. My husband and I had not had sex in over 3.5 years as he constantly picked watching porn over having sex with me. There were other issues as well but that was a major contributing factor.

I was severely overweight and unhappy in my life so I started a health journey. I lost 60kgs in just over a year, started exercising and eating right etc. I was so proud of myself and finally felt good enough to join online dating after about 15 months. I met a guy and it was instant attraction on both sides.
Everything went so quickly. He called me his “sex goddess” and “beautiful” and “hot”... he even told me he loved me. The all of a sudden he started losing interest. He would ignore my messages and started avoiding spending as much time with me.
I questioned him on numerous occasions what was wrong and he eventually told me that he had said the “L word” too soon and that he didn’t mean it. I was hurt, as by this time I’d started falling in love with him, but he wanted to stay together because he hoped that he would feel those things eventually because he “liked me” and though I was an “amazing person” and was still hoping we could build something long term.
I noticed a few weeks ago that he started losing interest in sex as well... he didn’t touch me more than he had to and it was like I had to initiate everything physical.
I kept asking what was wrong and he told me nothing was wrong on numerous occasions, and that he was just tired.

Last week he admitted that he wasn’t attracted to me. I asked what had changed since the beginning when he was telling me how beautiful I was and couldn’t keep his hands off me, and he told me that back then I wore more clothes during sex and that only recently, after I’d started being braver about showing my body, he realized that he was not attracted to my body.
He said it was because of the loose skin due to my weight loss - he finds it very unattractive.

I am now at the point where I cannot be with someone who doesn’t want me so I am breaking up with him this weekend when I see him. I feel so hurt.
But now I’m scared I will never find anyone who will find me attractive and want to have sex with me... the same way I used to feel when my husband would chooose porn over sex with me.
I had done so much work on myself since leaving my husband was feeling so amazing about myself and my weight loss when I met the new guy and now my self esteem has just come crashing down.
I am feeling like there are no men out there that could ever find me attractive... I’m afraid of being alone forever - I’m almost 39, and not getting any younger.

Is there anyone out there who has been through anything similar? Did you find someone who truly desired you in every way that you desired back?

I’m all out of any hope that I am desirable and loveable... It feels like no matter what I do and how hard I try I will never be good enough... TIA for sharing your experiences with me.