Hi. I would love to hear from people who have left a marriage due to being controlled.
I have a wonderful husband. Been together for 15yrs and have kids. He looks after me the best he knows how. But he has massive insecurity issues. They seem to be in grained in his personality due to his father. His insecurity have controlled my life a fair bit. I've never had a girls weekend. Its a fight to have a drink with friends so it rarely happens. Going to gyms and fitness events are also a big issue. I've always been able to just accept this is what life is like with him. But I know feel very isolated, very unfilled as I have no hobbies and kinda like I'm in a cage.
I really don't want to leave my husband but nothing is going to change. I have been trying to push back on these strict boundaries and work with him for a better solution.
Anyway I'm just wanting to hear from people who have left a relationship that is similar and if you were able to find fulfilment in life and be happier. I just know the grass isn't always greener. Maybe I just need to suck it up and continue taking the bad with the good. Because there is a lot of good. Its just the bad has finally broken me down I feel. Now I can't be my best self for the people who rely on me.
Leaving a long Marriage
Leaving a long Marriage
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing
7 Replies
Have you tried marriage counselling?
Certainly have. The silly psychologist told us she us a feminist. That instantly put his walls up. Searching for a new one.
The grass is definitely greener, but only once you realise you don't have to settle for your cage. It took me nearly 5yrs after I left to realise that I don't have to put up with infantile shit from men just to have one around. His insecurities are not yours to deal with. You can either leave and find yourself again, or you can try to get him to get help and work on his issues, I did the second option for nearly 10years before I threw in the towel. I am far more confident and much less anxious and I love my life now.
That is amazing that you are happy now!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
I'm about 2 year in to putting my foot down and saying this is enough. It has only slightly helped. I'm going to a new gym. But everytime I come home I get asked if I had a good perv session. Asking me how many guys took their tops off. Just makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like I am being extremely unfaithful going and that I'm doing something wrong.
Really glad to hear you found greener grass. Thank you xxx
Oh anon, I hope you're okay. Big love to you! I just want you to know that comments like this are just straight up textbook abuse tho, not insecurities or anything else. You can even find literature to print from the Domestic Violence service websites that have these types of comments laid out and state how and why they're abusive and how they fit into the wheel of violence. Maybe printing out some material like this and showing him would make an impact? I'd also print out the legal information around domestic violence for him to read because domestic violence in Australia doesn't have to be physical to be reportable and a criminal offense. Maybe if he sees that his behaviour is actually criminal and it will lead you to leave he may wake up? Or it could anger him, but in that case he's certainly an abuser and I'd run for the hills
Hi Anon,
I have recently left my relationship/marriage of 26 years (we were together since 13 yo) that echoed your situation. My ex is an amazing father and he has done nothing wrong except that his insecurities drove a massive wedge between us. Whilst I am still finding my feet and almost every second day, I question my decision... I keep coming up with the same answer...I have absolutely done the right thing. I would be happy to connect with you if you would like?
Reading your post was like reading my own life. After almost 15yrs married I couldn't do it anymore. I had no life, no me i was lost. We tried counseling but he saw it as an attack on him, not for what it was which was to find a compromise so I too could do things.
He decided it was done after the first session, kids and I moved out (after finding a place) and now my life is better. I found me again, that was truly hard to do. But i now gym, i have my garden, i have MY friends and i have also since met a wonderful man you accepts me and supports my happiness and no longer feel like i am shackled
Try counseling it might help and i hope for you it does, but you do deserve more