So 2 months ago I found out by accident that my husband and (f) best friend both of 20 yrs had sex. Neither of them told me, I just found out one evening when I saw her number pop up on his phone basically asking for a booty call!!! Feeling sick, I opened the text which opened a line of messages from her from about the last month. Only three text replies from him telling her him alone and nothing more. I confronted him who was very apologetic and the reason of not telling me is that it was a mistake and he hasn’t had contact with her since the text he sent back. When I confronted her, a 2 weeks later she was upset, didn’t apologise, crying and saying that she was very lonely after splitting with her husband months ago and the texts to my husband was when she was upset or drunk, ect. I told her that I needed some time to think and I will contact her when I’m ready to talk. I don’t know if I even believe her as she really didn’t seem sincere. I’m still pretty angry and upset so I don’t want to make any decisions till I stop feeling like this. I feel like I’m in a time warp and my husband is trying him best, even blocked and deleted her number (haven’t heard from her since) but I can’t seem to get my head around it. Can anyone in a similar situation please help me?? I literally don’t know what to do or how to feel. Thankyou x
21 Replies
I'd be dropping both of them and move on with life... screw them and their dishonest! Quiet frankly the worst thing both of them can do!! Bye bye Felicia
He's only sorry he got caught. Drop them both !!
People can sometimes heal and move on together from infidelity after months and years of hard work. And that's only sometimes.
In ur case it was a double betrayal as the other party is / was your best friend. This far gone can never be healed. Fuck them both off for good. It's Unforgivable. He's at risk of fucking all your mates, your cousins, your mum and your sisters. Please have some self strength and move on from them both. In parting I'd post what they did all over social media as a last hurrah. Let everyone see what low lives they both really are.
From experience, drop him. Lifes better without cheaters in it. If you havent got experience youll probably try to hold on the first time, and take a while to work out youll never see him the same again or trust him the same.
You should be a lot angrier than you are
Yes been there. I am strong and it was no second chances from me. I know I deserve better and I also knew they still were both lying from the moment I found out. I took nothing from then on as the truth and booted him out. I was done. Moved on and lived happily ever after. Best thing I ever did. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the amazing husband and kids that i have today. Don’t believe him and don’t believe her. Don’t believe any tears from him. You caught them out so they will tell you anything. Your husband is a dog for going there. He knew he was married and made that choice. Don’t waste any time losing sleep over them. They aren’t worth it. Move on and live your life happy.
You deserve better. Find your strength and cut them both off!
He got busted so at this point he will tell you anything. He will cry, say he is sorry, it only happened once, she came on to me. I have heard it all before. I wasn’t having a bar of it. I left and that was it. Never saw him again. He wanted me back. I blocked his number and him out of my life for good. You can too.
Best to make decision while you feel like this. She wasn’t sincere. They also would have met up or msgd to get their stories striaght, so no need to contact her again. They’d both have it worked out together. There is no excuses for it. They deserve each other 🤮
Sorry. Unforgivable
This is only my opinion, I'm not in the same situation as you. It has always been a well known fact that for both my partner and I, cheating is a deal-breaker. No matter how long we've been together. Cheating is highly disrespectful to the partner, and without respect you can't have a real relationship.
The reason why?
A mistake is where you make a poor choice not knowing what the outcome will be. You shake it off, say to yourself "fucking hell, not doing that again" and you move on while cleaning up the result of said mistake.
Cheating is never a "mistake". The cheater KNOWS the outcome - and cheats anyway.
So, my advice?
You have two people in your life that you should have been able to trust completely and they have both proven that a) their poor choices are not limited to only affecting their own lives, they'll happily drag others in and b) neither one has the internal fortitude to take responsibility. It was a mistake is a cop out. I was lonely is a cop out.
Dump the pair of the wankers, I do assume here but I assume this isn't the first poor choice either has made that has hurt you.
I'm sorry their poor choices have hurt you. And that you have to deal with the upheaval they've created.
Only you have the power to say it's going to be the last time.
I found out my husband cheated on me a while back before we got married etc and it shattered me completely. When I found out I was also going through a miscarriage. at the time that it happened I suspected but he always denied it until finally it was put in the open. I forgave my husband as ever since he has tried his hardest to make it up to me. For months it was hard I was also asking questions needing more answers etc and the only reason I am still with him is because for maybe the first time he was being completely honest with me and trying his hardest to show me it was a mistake and has never happened since. Not gunna sugar coat it it was hard to move on. But only you can make that decision as to weather you stay and work through it or leave him.
I found out my husband cheated on me a while back before we got married etc and it shattered me completely. When I found out I was also going through a miscarriage. at the time that it happened I suspected but he always denied it until finally it was put in the open. I forgave my husband as ever since he has tried his hardest to make it up to me. For months it was hard I was also asking questions needing more answers etc and the only reason I am still with him is because for maybe the first time he was being completely honest with me and trying his hardest to show me it was a mistake and has never happened since. Not gunna sugar coat it it was hard to move on. But only you can make that decision as to weather you stay and work through it or leave him.
Gee you seem to be putting all the blame on her!
Has he gotten off scot free? Wow, drop them both!
Im sorry. They have both betrayed you, not only by sleeping together but also not coming clean and telling you about it - if husband was so sorry he would’ve been upfront and honest with you, not wait until you found out for yourself. I’ve forgiven someone for cheating before and yes when caught they were SO sorry but the sorry wasn’t genuine, it just taught them they could get away with it and it continued to happen. Where’s the respect for you?! Respect yourself you deserve a friend and Partner who have your back ❤️
I have had this happen but with an ex boyfriend not husband. It was more than once. They both had a complete disregard for my feelings and were only apologetic because they were caught - her sister told me. He would taunt me with it when we fought. After I left him he ended up with one of my sisters and after her tried it on with another of my sisters 🤣
Neither him or that friend are a part of my life now and I’m much happier for it.
If it was my current husband I would be devastated but - if it was only once AND he told her to leave him alone afterwards (before I found out) then I would give couples counselling a try. Over time trust can be rebuilt if they are genuinely sorry and don’t repeat the mistake.
I have also been on the other side and have cheated on partners. It was never because I didn’t love them. I was bad at communicating in a relationship and didn’t know how to get what I needed or resolve issues, so I sought comfort/intimacy elsewhere. I was immature and self absorbed - I learnt from my mistakes. People make mistakes. We’re human. You just need to decide if it’s a deal breaker.
Yes this happened to me with my best friend since childhood. It was 7 years ago now and I haven’t spoken to her since. To be honest it is the hardest thing I’ve gotten through and I still have it pop up in my head every now and again. We are still married and going strong. But a lot had to change before we could get to this point. Good luck
I am not understanding your timeline. Did your Husband cheat on you or was it before you were together?
It is was before I wouldn't be to worried about him. If it was during your time together I would probably try to work it out.
But her - F her!!! Asking your Husband for a booty call because her marriage went to shit and her Husband left and she is lonely. Yeah na, She would not be coming back into my or my family's life. She could have gone and jumped any other man but to come after your Husband is unforgivable
WOW, you 2 most trusted people just played you and you are not ready to explode??? ditch both of them, the don't value you, respect you, and clearly don't have any issues walking all over you.
If you are also not mega hurt and broken, have your already checked out of the marriage at some point? is that why it stings but you are not burning up? I would say it's time to ask him to pack his shit and move out. Get a lawyer and move on. Time to love and be happy, don't stay only to be checking phones and wondering what if
I'll be completely honest.
By only reading the first sentence I thought "forget about the both of them". After reading the whole thing, I definitely still think you need to up and leave and forget about the both of them.
Your husband had an affair with your best friend. It's one thing for an affair, but with someone so close to you is so much worse.
I had this happen. Husband of 21 years and best friend who was widowed. They said it was just once then i found out it had going on for 5 years and she's actively tried to retry my marriage. She wanted him for the father of her children. We are still together but the hurt will never go. We have no contact with her and if i ever find out it happens again with her or anyone its over