How do you stop feeling disappointed by your children. I have 2 boys 9 and 11 who constantly fight with each other. They have been in trouble at school with one schools and my oldest got suspended for 2 days. They come from a good home and good family. They do sport. They do chores. We have taken things away from them games, missing out on sleep overs and they even missed the local show. We are trying to get them to realise how good they have it and to be more grateful. I guess I’m just hoping I’m not the only mum out there who feels like this. I feel worn out, defeated. We just want to raise respectful kids! We have sat them down and had many calm discussions with them to remind them how lucky they are! Please no negatice comments just need some insight on what else we can do!!! Thanks ♥️
4 Replies
Did you speak to the school about the incident and what happened leading up to it. That will inform you a lot on where this is coming from. To fix a problem you need to know whats causing it. I would definitely slow down and do activities with both so you can watch them and get on top of issues quickly, help them get on.
As a teacher I can tell you there are plenty of kids that come from good homes that act up at school, thats definitely not a poverty issue. I dont think chats and reminding them of everything they have will ever teach a child gratitude or change their behaviour.
You could try by getting them into a child psychologist, they are fantastic. They will help with behaviours. You could also get them out doing some volunteer work so they say how bad people have it. Make them do chores on weekends. Spend one on one time with each of them. Take one to the movies at a time. Make them mow lawns, help cook washing etc. keep very open with them and be honest, tough and make them apologise, humiliate them if you have to. Make them write apology card to the school. Anything.
My approach (no better, maybe worse, no judgement just what I have found works) with my kids is to have small discussions often. Especially around respect, gratefulness and kindness.
We Talk about the importance of family and how precious that is. That in this world your brother will be someone who will stand behind you always whether you deserve it or not.
I have said to my son on occasion - to remember that his treatment of his sister will form her childhood memories. That really resonated with him and he really turned a corner (she is almost 4 years younger and can be annoying).
Also positive reinforcement of the moments they play or are good to one another. Label the action. That was really kind or that was really helpful. That way they both see the action and register it.
One thing I do is take school trouble with a grain of salt. Depending on what they are in trouble for. If it was that they physically harmed someone or were disrespectful I’d have a discussion. But generally the trouble dished out at school is the punishment and I leave it at that.
My son has had teachers who loves his banter and encourage and joke with him. Then the next year a teacher will find him rude and disruptive for that same personality trait. In this case we tell him he has to learn to “read the room” and that in life we will encounter people who love that in us and then people who won’t. The will be times were it is appropriate and times were you hold back.
Maybe sit them down and say - fellas you have been fighting a lot lately. So let’s do an activity together. Mr 9 I want you to think of something Mr 11 would like to do and Mr 11 I want you to think up something Mr 9 would like to do. Encourage mindfulness and thoughtfulness. Hopefully by enjoying tasks together the fighting might decrease a little.
I think at these ages though they are still very self thinking. And that’s completely normal. But we just have to encourage them to see others and consider others.
I’m so sorry this has turned into probably a rambling mess. I hope it helps
Sounds like they have been disciplined.
Now Focus on their positive behaviors, give them attention and praise when they are doing the right things that you want to see. No child is perfect.