Hi
My daughter has told me she thinks she is bi, my concern is most of the people she hangs around with have been saying they are and that I feel she is trying to fit in instead of being different.
She is 14 years old and this has come out of nowhere and never suspected as she has always liked boys.
I’m confused as to how to approach this subject with her
Thanks
13 Replies
I said the same to my mum at this age, I genuinely thought I was and I just wanted acceptance.
Regardless of who she is hanging out with, all you can do is support her at this stage of her life, if she is genuinely bi then you have supported her and if she isn’t then you’ve also shown an important life lesson that mum is always here for you.
I wouldn’t encourage anything at this stage and just accept and support her as she decides the next steps herself
Support her and let her figure it out in her own time. Don’t tell her she isn’t. She may be, she may not be. Let her know you love her.
It may be she wants to fit in, it might be she feels comfortable to voice her deepest inner self.
You know what I'd say if this was my daughter?
"Thank you for confiding in me. I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me about this sort of stuff, I'm always here for you".
That's literally all you need to do right now. Just support and love her unconditionally.
The rest will figure itself out in time.
Don't worry about what she is or isn't - that's for her to figure out. I don't know if it's "trendy" to be queer now or if it's just easier? Let her talk to you about it when she needs to. Listen. Do some research, maybe seek info from adults who are bi so you can better support her. If it's a phase, it will work itself out. If it's not, it will work itself out.
With acceptance and love. Thats how you approach it.
Just roll with it, whatever which way; like you would if she had told you she's heterosexual. Would you have written in then? Treat it the same way. It's a non-issue to be writing in about.
I tell my kids that being Bi , Gay what ever that it’s not a fashion and it’s not a trend to follow. Kids at their school say the same.I feel it’s the new cool amd they try to fit it.
I tell my kid’s there’s no boyfriends, girlfriends until they are 16 and being gay etc isn’t a trend to follow. These kids just mimic what they see on social media and what they think is the new cool. Obviously some are but seriously can’t be as many as the kids at my kids school who claim to be. Hopefully by the time my kids are 16 they will know comfortably themselves
Probably the friend circle
My daughter came out with the same about a year ago when she was 13. We have a very open and loving relationship yet she was very emotional in telling me as she wasn't sure if it would change things between us. I told her it meant no more to me than her telling me she no longer liked chocolate ice cream and liked strawberry instead and gave her a big hug.
I'm not sure if she really is or not, but would never question her feelings as they are real to her. I've told her that all that matters is for her to be happy and that the person she chooses to love, respects and loves her back. I support her by asking her if she has any interest in anyone using male and female pronouns and have helped her make some pride badges for pride month this month. She has had a couple of minor flings/interests, but nothing serious with anyone yet.
We have talked about how confusing the many labels for a person's sexuality these days can be and that kids seems to be making choices about it before they are even really becoming interested in the opposite sex in that way. I've told her it is a confusing time and that her feelings are valid whichever way they go, but that as she grows and matures she may feel differently another 10 times. And that all of it is totally ok and normal!!
Just remain open, non judgmental and supportive. This is a tricky time in any teens life!!
Whether she is gay, bi or straight, whats great about this generation of teens is, they aren't afraid to talk about it! If she decides in 12 months shes actually straight or gay, whatever. The best part for these kids who are figuring it out is they don't have to do it alone!
Could just be comfortable or knows she can be herself. My mate always dated boys until she didn't. It was sudden and unexpected for many around them.
It was having a friend/s where she felt supported that made a massive difference. Many still have issues with LGBTI community so perhaps she feels more confident?
My 12 year old son has recently said the same thing, and while I have been absolutely nothing but supportive, I also think he is saying it to try and fit in.
He has had plenty of girlfriends over the years, but has recently confided in me that he has also had two boyfriends but was scared to tell me about it, which I find hard to believe because he tells me everything and he never mentioned it until now, and he also claims he can't even remember their names which again I find hard to believe.
But at the end of the day, I will always love and support all my children whether they're gay, straight, bi or identify as a tree. I am proud of him no matter what and he knows that. I will continue to support him and be his number one fan because whether it's a phase or not, I love him unconditionally 😊