Hi mum's
My 6 year old son has just seen a pead recently at the request of his teacher. She said he slides off his chair, fidgets and lacks focus. He's very smart and ahead In reading and maths but she said he has low motor skills which I thought he was actually a good writer!!
Anyways we went to the paed (highly recommended guy) and he didn't see the issue. Said it was all fine and that we could see and OT and that we could review in 6 months. He did all the tests and checked his writing and said as long as it's ledgeable it's fine.
Back to his teacher to discuss and she said he has traits of add. Very smart boy but she says she has tried lots of things to get him to sit still. Lacks focus and fidgets.
We ask him, he says the chairs are uncomfy and he gets bored at school sometimes. Which I get, cuz I used to be the same.
We decided to move schools as he hasn't made any deep connections at his current and the other school is literally 2 mins from our home and is an amazing school, so obviously his teacher will be notified of his issues. They also do individual learning plans at the new school so he can work on his handwriting. We are also working on his sitting still at home daily, he is improving. And he's on an OT waiting list. Keeping in mind he has missed alot of school due to lockdowns etc.
I guess I'm just wondering if we are doing the right steps and what else we can do to help. And what does traits of add mean? Also should we just wait and see what the school says before going back to the paed? Why didn't he see these traits? Medications? And is their a diagnosis for traits of it? It's all so confusing....help me understand please
23 Replies
Just hold off and remember he is still only young & this is all new to him being at school. Many kids are like this. I will give it another 6 months or so and check in with the teacher. As they get older and been at school longer he will probably get used to it but I know many Kids like this. Unless he is so bad it’s distrupting the class then I wouldn’t stress too much.
Well I thought it was all pretty normal but I don't have any comparisons. But she said it's pretty bad and stops his learning. Either way we are working on it, working on his writing and drawings. I feel there's alot of expectations on kids these days. He's way smarter than I ever was, fantastic reader and great at maths. Why don't the focus on the positive and building on them?! They seem to focus on the negatives alot now.. it's very frustrating.
You are exactly right. They are still so little. I know kids who were like this and have settled down as they have got older in school. They are expected to do so much at such a young age. They are so used to be able to play and have fun so sitting still being forced to learn is a big thing for some kids. You are doing the right thing though. I take my son to a psychologist for anxiety and they are fantastic.
Yeh its hard to navigate through hey. What kind of psychologist does he go to? Sometimes I wonder if mine has anxiety. What sort of therapy do they do with him, if j so t mind me asking?
They sit with him, he can’t talk mostly when he is anxious so he will draw to them, write and use his thumbs up and down. The longer his sessions go on he is starting to talk. They make him understand how normal it is and how many kids are just the same. They also do a questionaire for both parents on his behaviour to rule out autism etc. it’s just ticking boxes of what he does and doesn’t do.
I didn’t know my son was so bad until starting school. A teacher was yelling at him one day and from then on it kicked of. He came out of school shaking and going to school he was having massive panic attacks. I took him striaght to the drs after school and the dr said he hasn’t seen a 5 yr old so bad with anxiety. I had to go to a paediatrician who said I can’t help he needs a psychologist.
The child psychologist said he has severe anxiety and we worked out then it was the teacher yelling that started this off to this extent. He also diagnosed him with mild selective mutism. He would get so anxious he would become mute & couldn’t get any words out. It broke my heart.
You request a referral for a child psychologist. They are amazing. They have done wonders for my son. I now leave him in the room and sit just outside. He feels good when he comes out. They will tell you it’s normal for kids to not sit still. They see it all.
Kids just don’t know how to express their feelings or what they are even feeling. They don’t know what anxiety is. they just act out in what ever way they think they can to deal with these feelings. weather it be going silent to jumping on the lounges. They are all different and I know when I am anxious, I can’t sit still.
Anything is worth a try.
I forgot to add that they also teaching coping techniques. So if your son can’t sit still they can help with ways to help him manage this.I can’t speak highly enough of child psychologists. They have helped me and my son so much. Helps me with ways to deal with it also. Your dr can do a care plan to get 10 sessions with Medicare and if you need more at the end you just get a new referral.
Hes 6. Did he start school early? This is common in youngest kids in class, expectations are too high and add diagnosis are higher in them.
Just a reminder 6 year olds are in prep only just learning to form letters for the first time and doing lots and lots of play and movement hardly any sitting in chairs.
He's nearly 7... So grade 1. I still feel the expectations are high. They are an old style school. As in they learn the traditional way. Not open learning.His new school will be more of a learning hub style. So hopefully he takes to that and they do ILP so I'm excited about that for him. His teacher said he can end up lying on the floor sometimes. I admit tho he is terrible with sitting still, but in a few days I feel we have already made improvements on this.
For me as a kid school was exhausting and repetitive and I spent 70% of the time daydreaming lol.
Yes and plenty of kids do sadly. Sounds like the new school will better meet his needs.
I guess people didn't know anything back in the day about this kind of thing. In saying that I did well in my career until I became a mum. I dunno I guess highschool isn't for everyone. I probably did have underlying issues though
Hey! We are going through this same thing also, my son shows traits of ADHD however they’ve explained to us it’s not about a home setting but it’s what he shows at a school setting
It's so hard to figure out what the hell is going on hey. No one is upfront, no one guides you. It's a minefield. I'm so bloody confused
My son was very similar - being six and active he found it so difficult sitting still. With time and maturity he has improved. His teacher in grade 1 said it was ok to quietly walk around the classroom when he was struggling and couldn’t focus. He felt so relieved there was a plan for him to deal with it rather than - just sit still! I felt expectations were too high for him in prep!
Oh that's a great little strategy. Our teacher reckons she's tried lots of different types. It's hard cu they haven't even had a full year at school really.
Often what they see at school is completely different to home. The psych who diagnosed our son explained as parents we often adjust our living to suit, to minimise disruption & make our child's life easier. The teacher's information was the opposite of ours! (ASD, not ADHD).
Teachers & therapists like OT's are good at spotting potential traits (usually called red flags). This just means they see behaviours that fit criteria for ADHD but aren't diagnosing specialists so won't & cant say 'i think he has adhd', just 'I'm seeing traits, you should get him checked out'. They're not trained to diagnose nor will they know if he does or not. It requires detailed testing.
I'm disenchanted with peads. Had nothing but trouble with them. One told me my son was sensitive & gifted. Took him to a diagnosing psych who did the testing immediately & now he has help. So many people I know have been made to feel like they're bad parents rather than doing the work required. So ask for recommendations.
I'd see what your new school, aware of the situation, has to say after a few months. If they also see the traits then request formal testing. Don't accept **shrug** they're fine, you're paranoid. Happens too often. Diagnosis or not, you'll have the information you need to help your son.
Yep I am going to see what they say. I have to be honest I don't know anything about this stuff and I am scared of being told to medicate as I've never experienced any of it. Scared of side effects etc. I'm scared of his future, slipping through the cracks cu he's super smart and I just want him to reach his full potential without medicating to the eyeballs
At this point just breathe, hes very young and a boy and this is quite normal behaviour, it only shows in the classroom where expectations are beyond whats developmentally appropriate. Just because others can do it doesnt mean he should be able to. In the right plqce, and with time (give him til 8 and see how he changes if supported) he may well be able to as well.
I'm the OP of this comment. I get the freak out & uncertainty. Don't think too far ahead. He might just need time to adjust & a learning environment that suits him. It's far too easy for people to throw red flags around!
Covid unsettled a lot of kids who didn't get their Prep year. Children don't fit a universal mold.
He won't slip through the cracks because he's got you. You're his best advocate & are already prepared to face whatever his needs are.
Thinking of medication is a long way off, but if you do reach that point ask the school to connect you with parents of other children that take medication. I've a friend who did this & it helped her understand it a lot better & make an informed decision.
I suggest you do some research into ADD / the traits he has. Not to diagnose, but to understand. It's not a death knell for a bright future. Far from it!! My friend's H is ADHD (diagnosed as adult) and is doing very well financially. You'd be surprised how many you know with a neurodiverse life!
A teacher saying a child has ADD traits, is not a diagnosis. It’s a teacher saying your child’s behaviour stands out in the classroom. That’s all. A teacher is not a diagnostician.
It’s up to you as a parent to get any diagnosis ruled in or out by the appropriate professional.
It may turn out to be boredom, it may turn out to be ADD, it may turn out to be attention seeking, it may turn out to be a number of things.
It sounds like you are doing all you can for now and you are aware. Don’t get too caught up on a label. Follow through with the OT and paediatrician, and if things don’t improve in the new school at least you’ve started the process.
You might find it helpful to research ADD inattentive versus hyperactive. They look very different!
A diagnosis, does not mean your child won’t/can’t succeed. If he does get a diagnosis all it will mean is you understand him a bit more.
Also research ADD in women. You described yourself as daydreaming in school and that it was a struggle, see if the info fits you.
Thanks heaps yeh I am definitely struggling to get my head around it all. I just want him to be ok. It will definitely be interesting to see how he goes at his new school. I'm very excited for him!!
I have a little boy in prep. At his parent teacher interview his teacher noted that yes my son is a wriggle worm and often it seems like hes staring into space or not payinh attention but he does his work and he does it well so she just lets him wiggle and stare into space because he has his own way of focusing.
The issue isnt your little boy. Its the teacher xx
Unless a teacher is a qualified as a behavural educated, they shouldn't be making any sort of diagnosis. Any one and every one can show signs of adhd, odd asd and so on. Your son is likely needing more stimulation due to work not challenging him enough. Add, now known as innatwntivr adhd, is more complex then the teacher seems to understand. If the school had any real worries they would have had the district school counsellor do an assessment