Okay sisterhood. Long time reader, first time poster. This is a "touchy" subject for me, (pun intended 😆)
Not exactly sure where to start with what I am asking, but here goes. I kind of have this problem with being able to self pleasure. I don't understand why I'm uncomfortable with people knowing about me doing it, (my husband) when I have the courage to do it. Or why I have a problem with it in general. When I do self pleasure, I feel as though I'm disrespecting my husband. Although I am mostly comfortable with him masturbating when it calls for it. I say mostly because I find that I sometimes get frustrated that he is able to do it so freely, while I am struggling mentally to get my head around it.
Is there something wrong with me? Why am I finding something that is natural so damn hard to do?
My husband has been amazing and so supportive, due to me being in a dv relationship (mentally and sexually) previously before him. But I don't want my issues with self plesure to be an issue between us. Even bringing up the subject with him is difficult. I'm worried that he may laugh at me or I'm going to embarrass myself somehow. Even when he has told me that I can be open and honest with him always.
Please help? This is becoming quite a problem for me. Even if some people aren't fussed by it. How do I begin to love myself freely again and not be embarrassed by it?
13 Replies
I think it's OK to keep that private if it's what you feel comfortable doing. I don't tell my husband when I masturbate, it's none of his business really and I like having things that are personal only to me, I also like having things that are only between the two of us.
I think the shame you are feeling is stemming from your DV relationship, you still have the mindset that you "belong" to your husband and that's why you feel guilty for pleasuring yourself, like that's your husbands job.
I have never thought about it that way. Maybe I am subconsciously thinking that my sexual gratification is my husbands to give. Thank you for your insight.
You don't need to tell him when you do it. I don't tell my partner when I do.
I think I'm missing the part where it's his business when and how you touch yourself? Does he tell you every time he masturbates?
I feel exactly the same, I wouldn’t want others to know, nor would I talk about it with anyone, including partner. I thought everyone was like this. I’ve never met anyone who talks about it?!? I’m not sure what you actually want, it’s a very private thing, what is the problem?
Thank you for your responses, it's not the problem of keeping it private. I have no issue with that. I prefer it that way. It's more an issue of having embarassment and shame around self pleasure. Like it's a disgusting gesture and should be discouraged. I know this isn't the case. But it seems I have a mental block of some sort that I am unable to shake.
I get that, I found the more I discussed it though, the more I found acceptance and didn't have a wave of guilt afterwards and regret doing it.
If watching porn isn't your thing maybe try reading some erotica revolving around masturbation. Alot are written from the point of view of the person doing it so may give you some insight as to what others may be thinking/feeling while doing it.
Good luck! ✌🏼
I used to be uncomfortable with masturbation, some times I’d even cry afterwards feeling like I’d done something ‘bad’. Like HE should be the only one bringing me pleasure.
But then I thought, ‘just a second! I doubt I’m even on his mind when he’s watching porn and having a wank.’
So now, I have no shame in doing it. I am allowed to make myself feel sexual pleasure.
It’s MY body to touch if I feel like doing so.
Masturbation is very normal and healthy.
Think of it as enhancing your sex life, rather than it being taboo or ‘dirty’.
I would try a toy called the satisfyer pro 2. It's a natural part of being a woman.
Oh my lord, this ☝️has turned my life around 🤯 best investment I have made!! My other toys have been put into retirement for now because of this one.
Do yourself a favour!!
You aren't alone. I get very embarrassed talking about it with my guy. But he just gently encourages me. Never gets frustrated. Has taken a long time but I'm getting there. We also live in separate countries so pretty much have to do it myself. 😳. Telling him details was really awkward but the way he reacts really helps. Good luck and just take little steps.
I was 1000% like this. My current partner has been amazing though. I couldn't even talk about sex and what I wanted, let alone talk about masturbation. But he is patient, listens, never laughs or makes me feel embarrassed (even though sometimes I still do) but I've become a lot more comfortable having these discussions now and our relationship is so much better for it. Sometimes it still takes me awhile to build up the courage but in the past I wouldn't have even contemplated discussing it.