I have a primary aged son who is a little different, he has always like playing with dolls etc we fully accept him as he is but my tween daughter is resentful to him being different to the point where she is becoming angry at why he can't be 'normal and says things like she won't ever accept him until he likes 'boys'things.we have no idea why she feels so strong about this (she admitted some may be about what others think) and maybe some jealousy i shower him with affection at home nd defend him when she lashes out as I know he has very low confidence. What can we do to help my daughter accept diversity and not feel angry towards her brother, she doesn't want to have anything to do with him which breaks my heart.
4 Replies
Has she always been like this? She might be bowing to peer pressure (that want to be completely normal and have nothing at all unique or different about you, including 'a weird brother' as she sees that from her own pov.
Its very sad and she really needs s me good education about being true to yourself and brave enough not to conform. Celebration of her own uniqueness, what makes her special, work on self esteem and i eould permanently reinforce never telling someone else their likes/interests are not ok, or not cool, thats small minded and bullying.
There would be some serious conversations happening if it were me. Also maybe a visit to a psychologist.
I would def try to investigate her feelings more. Where she is coming from? Is she being bullied support for her self esteem.
But I would also inform her of her responsibilities. His home should be a safe place for him free of judgement. Tell her that she is impacting on his childhood memories in a negative way. Ask her how she wants to be remembered. She may not like her brothers choices but she absolutely doesn’t need to make his life harder.
I'm a fair bit older than my brother.
He was very high maintenance since the day he was born, he was diagnosed with ADHD eventually.
All my parent's time, energy and affection went to him.
I was very resentful, I spent a lot of time wishing he was "normal", I took a lot of My frustration out on my brother when I was really angry with my parents because I felt somewhat overlooked.
What people thought also used to get to me too as a kid, every time my brother did something naughty or inappropriate other kids would come up to me and ask "omg, what's wrong with your brother, why is he doing that? He's weird".
(He and I are very close now as adults).
I know it's not the same thing but your comment about jealousy and what other people think kind of rung a bell.
So maybe it's not really about her brother at all, maybe she's just lacking in her own guidance and support.
If you shower him with affection, and you dont shower her with affection, there is your problem.