How do you put boundaries in place with your ex after moving out? My ex came over today to care for our son for an hour as I was held up after returning from an appointment. As he was was leaving he just helped himself to food without so much of a word to me. It's only minor but I felt he should at least ask and not just help himself. Just wondering whether others who are separated lay down ground rules if the ex comes to your place.
11 Replies
For starters, I don’t have my ex in my house ever, so this would never happen.
I don't want him there believe me! He also stated making suggestions about how the furniture should be placed etc.
He minds the kids at his place.
He doesn’t get further than the front door.
Be strong, you’ve got this x
If you don’t want him there then don’t ALLOW him to be there.
Having said that, this is my comment, I would never call him to mind kids for an hour, or any amount of time, outside his designated times. I take care of my shit in my time and he does the same.
My ex does, makes 2 minute noodles, asks the kids for one for him whenever they get something. Its one of those things that seems small but its not. Its an attitude, a signal, an ownership thing, and respect, like wild animals establishing their dominance. And at the end of the day, its your house. So set the ground rules early, or speak up at the time, or dont have him in your house at all.
Don’t let them look after the kids in your house. Drop the kids to where he lives.
It depends of your post break up relationship....if you are still mates and co parenting that way, than no biggy. But if there is a bit of conflict and hostility, then really should he be in your house?
Why is he minding your son at your house? Why not at his house?
If he's dropping around your place for an hour to look after your child together when you run errands, I see nothing wrong with this. If you're not amicable, haven't maintained a friendship etc., Don't have these situations. I'd be much more concerned about having him in my home without me there if that were the case than I was about him having a snack. Honestly, if you have a relationship healthy enough for this caring flexibility, I'd be letting things like this slide. The exception being if you were going to run out of food and money to buy more. In that case, I'd explain that very kindly.
Out of interest are you fine with your mates helping themselves to anything in your fridge? Would you do it at your friends place? Just because I just wouldnt. I have plans for the food I have, its to feed my family and I really think most friends are in a similar boat, Id always check before helping myself.