Hey sisters!
My daughter goes to school with another child who lives around the corner from us. The child is also in the same year at the same school.
The child without fail heads to our place as soon as she sees the car enter our estate and asks to play with my daughter.
Whilst it's nice my daughter has a friend, it's every single day. On weekends it's 8-9am in the morning she will be knocking at our front door.
My daughter is never allowed at their place because "mum and dad are busy"
The child insists and argues with me when I tell them it's time to go home or we are doing something because their mum said to come home / stay until 6pm.
They help themselves to our food / pantry which I have told them it's not on. They dominate play & when they don't get to play with my daughter they take it out on her at school and bully her.
I have on 2 occasions ohysically had to take her home for having a tantrum because I refused to give her more chocolate biscuits and I explained to the parents why I brought her back. They took her side and told me they were busy and proceeded to let their child know she was to apologise and head back down and play.
Now... in all of this I must stipulate:
I have only ever met the parents 3 or 4 times.
There is never any prior arrangement, warning or asking if it suits.
There is never ever any manners used no pleases or thankyous unless I reminder them. No "thanks for having me" "hello" or "goodbyes"nothing. I am argued with when I request the kids to pack up what they were playing with and feel I've tried everything.
I have tried the we are going out soon so maybe not today and the child tells me she wore her good clothes so she can come with us.
Whilst I am more than happy my daughter has some friends in the neighbourhood, should it really be at my own detriment?
It is also to my child's detriment as the child then bullies my daughter at school in the instances I state that it DOESNT suit us?
I would be alot more tolerant if the child was not rude, helped in packing up, used a some manners and didn't help themselves to our home...
As for my daughter... she doesn't like the child very much... "but plays with them so they are not lonely" (*heart explodes*)
Am I being unrealistic?? or am I just a free babysitter for the child's parents who I feel tell them to get out of the house at sun up and don't come back until sundown?
** EDIT: I truely do feel for these children because there seems to be such a sense of unwant from the parents. Hence why I am asking for other people's interactions if they have previously had this scenario before. It's more just every single day. Every weekend is just.... tiring...
Has anyone had this scenario?
What did you do?
Please help ♡
7 Replies
So youve described absolutely negligent, unlikeable, absent parents, so yes, youre expectations of this little child are way too high.
Is it your job to feed and care for her, no. But if you choose to let her in, you can model patience and manners but expecting her to know and be able to interact with you, or anyone, normally and civilly, perfectly every time is not realistic.
If you dont want her there, say no. Sad as it is, they find someone else, they have to, its what puts them in such dangerous positions because any port in the storm will do.
Maybe give it a week and check in with them about where theyve been. Then if youre concerned, report it.
No hello's or goodbyes from a child are pretty normal. It's a petty reason.
You've met the parents about 4x that's plenty to know a bit about them and who they are.
So yeah I think you're unrealistic with these two reasons.
However, the rest of your reasons are valid. I'd be telling the child no more play dates during the week and set it to a time frame on weekends that suit you weather its 2 hours once a fortnight or2 hours once a month . If it isn't working still then start saying No . You shouldn't be expected to parent everyone else's kid if it starts imposing on you in negative ways.
Is there something going on with her parents at home?
I really think every time she comes over from this point forward, just say it's not convenient and send her home.
I mean, what can she say? I would get the parents number and if she refuses to leave, call her parents to come get her because you are busy and are not responsible for her.
They sound very neglectful. I'd also speak to the school and maybe since there's bullying, consider a new school.
No, is a complete sentence. Lock the front door.
I’d put a call in to CPS and the police for a welfare check.
YES!
I had a really long winded response ready to go but this right here is the advice 👏👏
Hi, firstly I would make sure I had camera at the front of my house to capture how many times she comes around, how consistent it is and how Relentless she can be. I also feel consider the child’s behaviour she could have learned that from her parents or could be behaving that way because she’s being neglected. It also really alarms me that she’s having to eat from your home a lot of the time, as parents they should be calling their child back home for lunch at least, I mean they cannot expect you to feed her everyday she’s there. It sounds like she has to cry to get what she needs or to chuck a tantrum as you described. What are her parents lacking, what is she seeking to find? By the sounds of it your house is in someway like a safety blanket for her, she might feel that she can get what she needs at your home, but in saying that what type of stress is your child under, at the end of the day it’s your child who has to entertain her, who has to share her toys and deal with her behaviour, if it’s stressing you out how much is it stressing your own child out? You state your daughter doesn’t like the little girl, I wouldn’t want to talk or associate with someone on a regular basis if I didn’t like them and on top of that it’s in your daughters home, the one place she should be able to escape and feels grounded and safe from outside sources that don’t make her feel good. You have every right to feel the way you feel. People will probably bash me for this, but put your family first, and no longer allow this little girl at your home anymore, you know where she lives, you know she has a home to go to, it’s important that you stop this immediately as it sounds like it’s taking a toll on your daughter and she shouldn’t have to deal with unfortunately a needy child who’s home life doesn’t seem to be the best. It’s uncertain how bad it is at home but if you feel it’s the right thing to do maybe ask her some questions and make a decision Wether to call cps from there, it’s not something to take lightly and this call could very well put the child in more danger, for example being sent to other family members home who may not be very nice so you just don’t know the circumstances enough to make such a big decision. I think you know this needs to end, if you have to don’t answer the door, I know that sounds mean but instead of telling her you can’t come here anymore maybe not answering the door she will eventually stop trying.
People need to remember that you have no legal rights over this child, the fact the child behaves in a certain way is causing stress on this mother’s daughter and who knows how much stress she’s under, at the end of the day this mum needs to put her family first. I’m sure if she could do more or help this child in someway where it doesn’t cause a massive conflict she would. If cps need to be called then so be it, but either way this might come back to bite her in the bum or even put her own family in danger especially if the parents suspect and blame this mum for calling cps. This needs to be handled gently yet swiftly.
Put your child first, and know that you’re doing the right thing. If you’re stressed by this child so is your baby.
I hope that helps in some way.
I feel for you. I had a similar situation with next door neighbours. Only ended because we moved. It did make me very short with and annoyed by the kid. I’d pick a night or two a week that they can come. Say no other times.