I'm in a pickle and need some reasurance that I'm not being a "COW" about this opportunity!!
Long story short my husband has always worked away Starting off when we met 14 years ago as a FIFO months at a time now he works "week on week" off leaving me jobless for 12 years to raise our 4 children, which I've loved and appreciated that my husband supported this, but after 12 years I started to drown I needed more so I started my own small business which has been successful he wasn't supportive intially but soon realised I could do this. I didn't take on his decision to not do it. I was also approached about another job opportunity a few years back and he couldn't show one ounce of excitement let alone congratulate me "it broke my heart" he went straight to all the facts and worked out in his head it wasn't worth it without talking to me about what " I wanted" I found a job which is all school hours work and it's been amazing. The business I work for are just amazing and have employed me purely on face value which makes me all sorts of chuffed and I love being there. Here's my pickle they've offered me an amazing opportunity to work full time and train me up in the area of employment! I'm super excited and extremely driven rite now and feel like I'd be mad to pass this up. I've talked with my husband but he's not willing to be tied down with the children the weeks he's home, the strange thing is all he has to do is get them off to school and by the time I knock off they'll be just getting off the bus - I'm shattered that I have no voice here and that he likes to control every situation I've ever been involved in regarding me! I really don't know what I'm asking here maybe just feel so gutted that I have no voice here, I honestly feel over the last week or 2 that I've lost alot of love for him
6 Replies
Well you DO have a voice. This is YOUR life. You have raised the children and now it's your time. What's going to happen on 10 years time? 20? What will you do then if you don't take up this opportunity. This is unfair and controlling. I'm sorry but this is NOT on. This is exactly why so many older women have no super, no savings and no career opportunities - they have spent their lives giving their families everything, only to be left with nothing.
You go girl. You take up that opportunity. Have an open and honest conversation with your husband as to why he doesn't support you, but know that you have EVERY RIGHT to be happy.
Don’t let his attitude hold you back!
Your guy is extremely short sighted and selfish.
I suspect he doesn’t work fifo because he needs/wants to support the family. He works fifo because he enjoys the lifestyle of not really having to do much family wise!
What!!! Omg I’m so sorry to hear you have to deal with this crap from someone who is supposed to be cheering you on!!! You should be so proud of yourself for managing everyone and everything on your own. You don’t need him bringing you down. What a jerk. Argh blokes like this make me so mad! The audacity!!!
He can be "tied down" by his kids or he can pay someone else to do his share.
Maybe now that the kids are older and you're able to rejoin the work force it's time for him to take a family friendly 9-5 job?
You do have a voice. You can do this, without him. If he would like to continue this together he better step up and parent his children.
But if he doesnt want to, you can do it.
Of course you lose lose for someone that doesnt support you. Hes making something youre clearly really excited about, quite difficult.
Seems like he wants a wifey and wont celebrate you being/trying to be anything other. Perfect place to start your conversation with him.
He is being a dick!
how do you manage the kids on the weeks he is at work? just keep doing the same, don't ask him to do a damn thing.
You are worth it! you are allowed to work and have a life in the world of employment if you want to.
Might be worth a face to face conversation to understand what he is so threatened by, is it that if you work FT you won't need him any more? does he fee less as he isn't the sole breadwinner? doesn't change the fact you can do what you want, but at least put some context around his attitude.
My hubby is always defensive when i am taking on something new/ bigger he comes from a place of why do both of us need to be stressed? I have always pushed on and did what i thought was right. and he eventually appreciates what's going on. Mind you I have built everything so that if i have to work it out on my own I can, so if his work changes i am not stranded with anything. I think it's independence of wives that men find scary.