I do not get on with my sister in law but we maintain politeness for the sake of the family. I always make sure to get my brother, sister in law and nieces gifts that I put time and effort into choosing, as well as taking them out to celebrate. On my birthday they do not celebrate with me, I usually just get a Facebook post on my wall. This year two months after my birthday I was handed a small chocolate bar for my birthday when I dropped Easter gifts to my nieces. There was a card stating they would take me for coffee - two months later this has not happened. This hurt my feelings as I put so much effort and thought into gift giving and celebrations for others. They often post on social media about celebrations with others or things their children have made for others. It is not an issue of finances.
Is it okay to limit gift giving if family members do not really reciprocate?
Birthday celebrations not reciprocated
Birthday celebrations not reciprocated
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
Of course. You have to give without expectation of receiving. But, you should definitely pay attention when someone repeatedly makes very little effort for you. As an adult the gift wouldnt bother me, but the overall effort does. No coffee or catch up at all speaks volumes. Promises when its not going to happen just make it worse.
You could always send a card to them and just do the children.
Just stop doing it unless you enjoy doing it.
Remember it’s your brothers job to to reciprocate for his family. So if he wants to buy you a gift/celebrate, there is nothing stopping him. It’s him who has opted out!
I’d stick to just the nieces and nephews.
I don't buy for adults unless we are going to a party
Kids only.
If you feel the need to acknowledge the adults, social media or a card.
If you don't get along, why are you making such an effort then expecting her to reciprocate? She probably feels awkward. Would you even enjoy coffee with her if you went?
I think stop trying so hard on a superficial level if you have no intention on forming a deep bond/friendship with her.
As for your brother. Don't bother. Just buy for the kids and a text saying happy birthday for the adults
My whole family and Inlaws decided to stop buying presents for adults (we still buy for Grandparents though) and we only buy for the children now.
It is definitely fine to limit gift giving. If they aren't putting in any effort at all, just start buying something for the kids
I would organise dinners, make cakes, organise gifts and handmade keepsakes for my MIL. I also organised gift vouchers not only for my husband but her other son's too. Not once have I received a gift, a card or acknowledgement back. This year I stopped...and it was a relief.