Hi Ladies
I'm curious about how you share the load in households with a (studying) SAHM, working dad and young kids (7yo, 6yo, 1yo).
As part of the agreement (and privilege!) to staying home, I understand most of the housework/child related chores should be taken on by mum, though wondering how much the kids do at this age to help out, and how much dad chips in also.
Struggling to find the time to fit it all in with an active bub, feeling like I chase after bub all day and then when there's people to help, I'm doing household chores, then never have time for things that aren't SAHM related.
Just trying to find the balance and looking for other's experiences..
3 Replies
I think it's OK to make life easier for yourself sometimes. Cook in advance, use the dryer, get a cleaner once a week to do bathrooms. Then theres less stress, you have a bit more time and patience to teach your older 2 how to do jobs and make it part of their routine. Kids that age can either use a dishwasher or wash by hand with help, they can operate a washing machine if they can safely reach the buttons, they can make basic food like toast, sandwiches and heat things in the microwave. They can prepare their own lunches. They can sweep floors and vaccuum. There is plenty they can physically do its just a matter of giving them jobs that they can do quickly at this age so they will happily do it.
Talk to your husband about what he can do to help out, he should be able to take on the baby at least for you so you get a break. Take turns in organising lunches and dinner.
The problem comes when working parent thinks sahp has to do all housework even when theyre home. Working people cook, clean, do laundry and look after their kids as well. That night time (or home time) is when that parent takes the kids so the sahp takes their time out. Having two parents in the house means both can schedule in gym, workouts, outings with friends and the other stays home. It takes teamwork and both putting in instead of playing the 'i do more, im more exhausted' game.
If you're a stay at home mum it's perfectly reasonable for you to do the main cleaning and cooking. But I'd have hubby do the outside chores and repairs/Renos/car services etc. I also think both parties should support each other for time out though. A coffee and cake date with a friend one night every now and then and he puts the kids to bed should be fine. I always had bath and bed time be a joint task, though I was only a SAHM on mat leave so 1 adult bathed bubs and the other the toddler. Hubby did both if I was awake all night with a newborn too. That way I got a nap in before I was up all night. There is definitely give and take... But 1 kid under school age but not a newborn isn't too chaotic.
Nb... Depending on what you are studying I might change my views on that though. I did a master's degree during mat leave with my second bub. Actually had the C section on week 4 of the masters. The study requirements were about 45 hours per week and I was breastfeeding and up all night so hubby and I split chores like we did when we were both working and once my milk was in and I could express enough, he would take the kids out for a few hours on a weekend if I was cramming for an exam or on a deadline for an assignment.