My husband of 3 years and I have been living separately for almost a year but I thought we were working on our marriage. I found out he has a girlfriend and he has had sex with her and is practically living with her! I found this out because I asked him to commit to counselling with me and really give it a good shot. I am devastated. I don’t know where to go from here. Obviously divorce because I can’t go back but I’m so upset and hurt I don't know what to do. We have a kid and That makes it a hundred times worse because I don’t want to raise my baby like that, I want my family! I don’t even know what I want from asking this maybe I’m just venting I just don’t know!
6 Replies
He was too much of a coward to break it off so he had you both living separately in order to do his "moving on" behind your back. I assume the not letting you know was to keep you as an option in case the gf didn't work out.
What to do... legal stuff obviously, and don't roll over, get in there for every bit of what you can get.
Take raising your kid in a safe one parent home as an infinite improvement over a 2 parent miserable home because what you wanted was not what you got. Be kind to yourself, grieve the loss of the forever dream you had but don't mistake that for grieving the loss of him.
What seems really hard right now WILL in time strengthen you.
And I hope karma rots his cock off.
This is what bothers me about people calling a break. Often it’s code for I want to break up but I’m a dick and don’t want to be honest.
Sadly you don’t get a say in the matter about wether you live in one home or not, so the best thing you can do is divorce and make the best of it.
Believe me, as the kid who was raised in a miserable home because the adults wanted to put on this "traditional happy family" facade - that perfect family comes at the price of your child's emotional stability.
A child is so much better off growing up in a stable, functional single parent home than in a home with 2 deeply unhappy parents.
I know it hurts but you just have to pick yourself up, get that divorce on a roll and focus on building a fantastic life for you and your baby.
Eventually you'll be able to see what a bullet you dodged.
Breakups with a child involved are really hard. You have a picture of what you want and its really hard to let go of that, even if the guy involved isnt the picture tou had, you try to hold on for the image.
So one, you need to come to terms with the change in your hopes and dreams for your future and for your childs life.
And two you need to change your dream from an image of a nuclear family, to the traits and treatment you actually want.
A happy, loving home.
Respect and honestly in a relationship.
Monogomy and having integrity to finish it honestly before stringing you along and moving on secretly.
When you start thinking that way, you see hes not what you want or need, and you can create a happy home and happy you for your child without him better than with him.
I think it's time to move on, even if you have a "family " it's not really a family if you are unhappy! Be strong, happy mum = happy kids :)
I could've written this myself. Only 16 years of marriage and 2 kids. We mutually agreed he move out for awhile while we worked on our marriage. I was working on our marriage while he was working on someone else. We have Separated, sold our house and he is still with her. Whilst it hurts immensely, I'm looking forward to new beginnings and a happier life.