Even typing this is hard , where to start ...
What to do when in a abusive relationship?
So I'm currently in a abusive relationship,
He will explode at times and just snap shouting , sometimes throwing objects , threatening to hit me and even threats to kill me or run the car into a tree , in some cases grabbing my face and even hitting me in the back. He constantly accuses me of having an affair which I am honestly home watching our 1 year old every day who clings to me like a leach I can't leave the room without her, he constantly makes sexual passes at me , flashing him self and so on to me, and honestly It makes my skin crawl I keep saying no. I can't stand him I've told him multiple times I don't want to be in this relationship that I'm miserable in it , I've told him that the toxicity is not good for our daughter, I have no family around me not even friends really they are all his family and friends.
I want to speak to someone and get the ball rolling but it's so hard to bring my self to actually go and talk to someone about it I'm embarrassed and its hard to say out loud,
I also don't know if I should try and get full custody of our daughter, I'm torn between his abusive actions towards me and letting him see his child, as I've never wanted to be that mother but she's my world and I don't trust him.
6 Replies
Hi, you sound absolutely miserable in what youre in. It doesnt have to be like that, and honestly it shouldnt be, having young kids is really hard work but trust me its easier and even enjoyable without all that stress and abuse added on top.
You need to speak to a dv resource , because anyone else will pass you on anyway or worse, give you absolutely terrible advice, like 'babies are hard on relationships, give it 3 years' and I know its hard to repeat it amd continue trying.
So find your local dv shelter or women's support centre and speak to them, and they will get you right from go. Theyll have all the help you need and links to any other resources and options for you, especially with centrelink, moving and handling custody of your child correctly (as of course he will use that to get to you if you dont know your rights or have a plan).
Start thinking about your options. Where could you move to. Do you have family or a good friend network somewhere? Being out of there and on your own is the only solution.
1800RESPECT is a good start
1 step at a time. Don’t worry about him seeing his child at this point. Just get yourself and your child out to safety. DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASED EITHER! this goes on everyday is many houses around aus and the world. Don’t let him silence you. Get out before you can’t or your child suffers more. Be strong
Is there someone you are friends with that can be a storage place for you? Pack the things you want to take for you and your daughter and store at their place. Photocopy documents - bank statements etc and store there. Make a box that has your birth certificates and other docs in so when you leave you can grab it. See if there is any change you can start stashing. It will add up. Go to centrelink and have a meeting - ask them what you are entitled to when you leave. Tell them it is a DV situation as there are specific benefits for those situations. Contact your gp and speak to them. Contact 1800 RESPECT and talk to them. Find a women’s shelter in your area and if you can’t find one go to your police station and ask to speak to an officer about your relationship.
Good luck, you and your daughter will be better off out of this horrid situation.
Worst case scenario go to a dv refuge and they can help you with everything! You can go to the police and from what you have said an avo could be applied for. Good luck. Xx
I have read the other comments and I see you are torn about enabling your partner to have contact with your daughter.
I feel that if your partner is so abusive to you and toxic he is not behaving in the best interest as a father to his daughter. Young children feel and witness DV even if they are sleeping. Your daughter is clinging to you because she feels unsafe and scared. She does not know why but the DV is taking an emotional toll on her and her development as well. She feels and reacts to his shouting, throwing objects etc and she feels an reacts to her mothers fear, sadness, and experience of physical abuse. She also needs to be protected and feel safe. If her father has no care for her she should not yet be exposed to him alone. Go for full custody and her father can earn the privilege to have time with her. When she is much older she will make her own decisions but until then she need to be emotionally and physically kept safe.