Hi
I have recently started dating a man with a 4 year old son. I have never dated someone with a child before and I am looking for some advice. I am a planner and would like to know a few things.
How long before I should agree to meet his son?He seems quiet eager to introduce us.
Should I meet mum/ex wife first?
This is all new to me and would really appreciate any advice or tips.
Thanks
7 Replies
Wait at least 6 months. Men seem to rush into these things so its best to think logically, kids shouldn't meet everyone their parents have only just started dating, its best to wait a while to see if the relationship is going to make it past the fun stage. You also don't want to leave it too long as you don't want to spend too much time dating someone then find that you are never going to get along with their kids. So 6 months is good, not too soon, not too long. I don't think its necessary to meet mum before hand, if it happens it happens. I would let your boyfriend guide you on that one as he would know if she would be happy to or if theres tension.
Wait at least a few months, make sure you actually really like this guy.
Watch out for things like him pushing you into a parenting role early on. Some guys are looking for someone to push the parenting off on.
Take it slow.
Yeah nope. Keep it separate dont be pushed. If he has full care the reason would be so you can hang out more, so then you would just be a casual friend when the xhild is around. And i understand he may want to make sure youre really ok with it, no point wasting everyones time. But he might also be wanting a mother figure, someone to do the lonely single parenting with, and if you jump into that itll be impossible to change it down the track when you dont want to be the one doing that.
As a mum who’s ex has had multiple different woman; please wait at least a few months if not longer before having an intro.
I WISH any one of my exes gfs (now his ex gfs) would have waited, most met our kids THE SAME WEEK that he started dating them 🤦🏻♀️ It’s so incredibly hard on me and the kids when he breaks up with the new flame, and yes I said hard on me too because guess who lives with the kids full time?? Yeah me. He doesn’t see them upset when GF of 3mths is gone, he doesn’t answer their questions. He’s not left picking up the pieces of his last relationship cause he’s moved onto a new one and the kids doesn’t even have a chance to catch their breath between them 🤦🏻♀️
I know it’s not the responsibility of the new GF to say ‘I don’t want to meet your kids right now’ but damm girl I’d appreciate you a hell of a lot more if you did!
This sounds like my ex! At one point there was a new woman every month, and the frustrating thing is they all had at least one kid of their own and saw no issue with introducing the kids straight away. Of all the gfs over the years, the best of the bunch was the one woman who didn’t have a kid of her own. She didn’t try to parent my kids, just wanted to be their friend, and also encouraged them to have a relationship with their fathers family. Unfortunately she didn’t last long, most likely because she wouldn’t take on the parenting role so he didn’t have to do it.
Thanks that’s great advice. Would you have preferred to meet the gf before your children did? I was thinking of waiting somewhere between 3-6 months but some of my friends where telling me I was being silly.....
For me personally, I think meeting with the new gf really depends on the relationship between the parents.
I’m not bothered either way now (5years separation)....early into the separation (the first 3-4mths) I would have been like ‘f**k that I don’t wanna meet your new b**ch’ (opps) but then he started dating a week after separation so 🤷🏻♀️ you know 😂 Not that he ever asked me back then anyway, he would just dump a new girl on the kids literally every few weeks. 🙄
My kids are also a little older now (youngest is 7) so if they meet the new gf first and like her then I’m fine with that.
But to answer your question in MY ideal world with kids aged between16-7, if you’ve not met my children and have been dating my ex for 3-6mths and things are going great and you wanna take that next step to meet the kids, hit me up for coffee (without my ex around) and let’s get to know each other. I’m not wanting to be your best friend (but you know what, if it happens that would be cool too), but I do wanna know that you love my kids, will care for my kids and will pull their little bratty asses into line if their dad doesn’t 😂 also if you’ve been active in their life for a while and you and their dad do separate, I really hope you don’t cut them out of your life and block them on Facebook. Why can’t they still be your friend? 😔
Also for me, my ex only sees the kids 1 day a fortnight. I’d like a longer period of waiting before meeting the kids (6mths plus)
If he had them say 50/50 or even every second weekend (overnights) (I’d like someone to wait 3-6mths).
The reason for this is, if he’s only seeing the kids once a fortnight (for the day) it’s not really affecting your time getting to know my ex better, or being able to see if your relationship is getting serious.
50/50 or even every second weekend does make it a little harder for you guys to spend time together, when accounting for work and kids and whatever is happening in your life, so I’d be happy with a quicker meeting so that it’s easier for you guys as well.
Hopefully that makes sense I know what I’m trying to say 😂