I have literally turned into the most cold hearted person.
I've been single almost 6 years, usually really not that hard for me to find a man, they tend to gravitate towards me and follow me around, I've had men hanging off me since I've realised they even exist but my longest relastionship has only ever been 4 years. I'm 30 now, never married, been engaged twice and have 2 young children who are 10 and 5, I care for them 100% of the time. I used to be the most bubbly, friendly, out going, down the earth women, I could hold a conversation with anyone and my friends they all tell me I have a heart of gold and I'm so compassionate but now that's all been pushed back! I'm cold, rude, can not even be bothered having a conversation or even leave the house to go out and its all because of these F*!#en men!! I cant even have a coffee with a friend without someone trying to pick me up! I end up wearing one of my rings as an engagement ring because I just can not be bothered!! Relastionships, dealing with a man child, cooking for someone else, caring for someone else, washing their underwear, listening to what they did during the day, doesn't interest me in the slightest but God dam am I lonely! But I can't snap out of my coldness!! Ive dated but mehhh I end up just forgetting to message back or just have 0 interest in talking, I mean I work 43 hour weeks, I maintain a house, look after 2 children full time, adding to it seems just uninteresting! AND forget even having time to have sexual relastionships blahhhh! I rather sleep to be honest!!
I have struggled with a domestic abuser but that was 5 years ago, I have had toxic Relastionships and ive lost houses, money and been hurt but yeaaaarrrrsss ago!! Im over it, I'm happy, I have my own house, live a well life with my children, I dont struggle, I just live my life.. But I do also read these posts almost every day and some of them make me even colder towards even being in a relastionship or dealing with dating, the unhappiness, problems with hubbies behaviour, dating issues and sexual problems.. I'm just sitting here like "how in any shape or form is being with someone and dealing with that even worth it??"
I guess me question is, am I in a rut? Am I going to be like this forever? How can I snap out of it?
7 Replies
It's because your previous relationships have been bad. I was the same for 5 years, I thought there was no such thing as a good relationship and stayed well away from any guy that had an interest even if I was a bit interested in them. I just had a guard up and kept reminding myself how stuck i felt when i was in a dv relationship and how i never wanted to be in that position again. Then i met my now husband and it took a long time but i finally let my guard down and learnt not all men are the same. When you meet the right person you will know.
This is the single parent dilemma.
Just want a partner, dont want to go through dating and dont have the time pr energy for it. But if you want a DECENT partner, you need to do the vetting.
The good thing is that online you can ask questions. Noone wants to chat with a myatery person forever, so if he ticks the boxes, you can do a video call as well quite early on. So that when you go on a date its not a complete waste of time. Again, this can be just a coffee. So once you get to there, you can decide if youre going to date, and then you will need to put in effort if you want it to be a good relationship, but of course by then you would be wanting to, not just thinking of him as one of millions of guys that want to have a crack.
I feel you sister....
sounds like depression. See ur GP
You've been burnt badly and now the walls are up, just keeping living the life you are. It really doesn't sound like you are missing much.
One day you might decide to meet someone and you might not but just because it's considered the 'norm' to be partnered up doesn't mean you have to be.
But please try to remind yourself that not all men are 'bad' there are actually some pretty fantastic guys around. The few bad ones give all men a bad rep.
You need a partner not another man child that just adds to your workload and stress. A partner should ease your day. A partner washes his own dirty undies and will cook you a meal. I have a daughter who attracts men like flies too so I get it. Women hate her for it and men don’t want just a friendship so she can feel very alone. I’m sorry some women on here are so jealous to say you are up yourself for having men magnet syndrome.
When the right man comes along you will know it.
Go speak to someone like a psychologist or contact a DV support group. You say your over all the bad relationships but I would suggest maybe your pushing it aside rather than dealing with it. Experiences of DV can manifest differently in different people. DV is about power dynamics in a relationship and a loss of control. I’ve seen people do many different things to regain it power after the experience. You say you are over it, but I think your just being strong. Good luck.