Where do I even go from here?
On Friday I tried to end my life- the few weeks before I had reached out to my psych and a friend and worked through what I had thought was the risk period- Thursday night I just accepted it I decided I needed to stop making excuses and just do it- even though deep down I knew I wasn’t going to be able to follow through- Friday I took ~40 pills and then drove my car into a pole last minute breaking and thankfully no injuries besides car written off and called 000 on myself. I’m working with mental health care team and just want personal experiences on where do I even start rebuilding from here. I feel so numb and empty I didn’t want to die I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.
Trigger warning - suicide attempt -
Trigger warning - suicide attempt -
Posted in:
Mental Health
3 Replies
Firstly, hugs. I’m glad you didn’t go through with it. Where to from here though? Well, I guess firstly you need to be completely honest with yourself, your psych, your close friends about what you’re feeling and how you’re travelling. Support is what you need. Talk to your psych. Have a plan in place. And if you feel unsafe, take yourself to hospital immediately.
Also, take it one day, one hour, one second at a time. I have been through some dark times lately, and this is how I face life right now. I’m in the midst of grief and I’m just riding the storm until I make sense of it, accept it and work out how I can live with it.
Suicide will take away my pain. But it will also hand it on to my loved ones, particularly my children who need me more than ever. I couldn’t do that to them.
Im so sorry you got to that point. Im really glad you breaked and called for help. You just go slow, take care of yourself. Lean on your friendships. Enjoy the small things in life. Make nice food, visit places you like. Be kind to people that love you. Do the work with the professionals to understand what you can do differently if you ever feel yourself getting into that spot again.
Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs 🧡