Honest opinions please, If someone that knows why and has had explained numerous times why they aren’t welcome in your home, says to your 9 year old.
“Well hopefully one day soon your mother will actually let us come to the house. “
Now back story my children know nothing of any drama with this person, I’ve gone out of my way to show respect so my children knew nothing about how I actually feel. This is almost 17 years of disrespect from this person. I’ve taken a lot and brushed a lot off but involving my kids to make yourself look like a victim is where I draw the line.
Tell me I’m not the only one that feels this is disrespectful...
Opinions please
Opinions please
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
10 Replies
It would depend on the circumstance.
If the child was close to this person and looked forward to their visits then the visits stopped, I think the child is owed some kind of explanation as to why before they think that person doesnt love them anymore. If this is the case then you should have explained inan appropriate way why this person is not allowed at your home, you don't need to give every detail just basic.
If this person is a threat to your child then you need to cut all communication so theres no chance of this happening.
This is not enough information.
I can see a kid putting an adult on the spot about this, and the adult blurting something out in response.
Context would help a lot.
My mother in law constantly does this to my children when leaving my home.. “hopefully we can come back again” insinuating that we are preventing her coming when the truth is we never hear from her like ever. She never makes plans with us. I completely bewildered by the comment.
I find it completely manipulative
"Hopefully we can come back again" sounds different to me. It sounds like she means it from herself being hopeful she gets the time or find the time to return. I dont see it as her not insinuating weather you will allow it or not. Always conflicting how things are interpreted. We all do it. Multiple ppl can hear an exact conversation with all different degrees of interpretation.
I understand that - however her tone etc is very pointed!
Its not ok, regardless of the reason, that phrase is telling the child that mum is the problem.
However, you dont need to do anything or engage, just tell the child yes youve set boundaries due to xyz behaviour which is a rule in my house that they cant follow.
I assume its a relative that still sees the child that does not mean they have to be allowed in your home if you dont get on, the child can go to them. So why are they hoping youll let them? Is there any relationship with you and them that needs to be salvaged or worked out? If yes, then leave the child out of it. If no and its permanent, just tell the child that so they know and dont get anxiety hoping and not knowing whats going on.
It’s petty and vindictive and reaffirms why you don’t want these people in your home.
My MIL has done this with my BIL who we haven’t spoken to on 10 years. I waited until we left her company and explained to the kids that if this person acted in a respectable manner, we would have contact with them. We don’t surround ourselves with drama and there is a reason why we don’t see this person.