Hi guys I’m looking for persoective and advice...I’ve been feeling like this for a long time. Married for almost 20 years 3 children youngest is 10.
We built a beautiful home together before our first baby and we were there for 10 years when he wanted to move into our rental property as it is closer to the kids school. Rental property is next door to his parents as well, much much older house, very small and needs a lot of Reno work but anyway I stupidly agreed. So we now rent our beautiful home a few suburbs away and this has been the case for the last 7 years.
My problem is I regret it so much! I absolutely hate living here he has done absolutely nothing to make the house better for me and the kids always saying he has no time and no money but won’t pay anyone to do things either. The shower leaks, there is mould we have no air conditioning or heating and I feel we don’t have to live like this! Our other house has everything!
His whole motive in life is to quit working at 50 or ASAP and have rental income as his way to live as he hates his job. But I want nothing more than to live in a nice house for my children to grow up happily where we they feel they can invite friends over etc. I don’t see the point of struggling when we have another option and we don’t have to??He knows how I feel over the years but ignores it. Even when I’m upset and say I want to move back he’s gets angry and says things like I’m going to put him in the grave from stress!! He’s always had this hold over me financially as I have had minimal part time work, staying home to raise kids was always important to me and he is full time. This year I went back to study a diploma and recently got a full time job as well! I feel I’m doing something about my own future and unhappiness as I realise I was always putting my happiness in his control. He is so unsupportive saying I’m too old to study it’s a bit ridiculous (I’m 43) and I think he feels insecure I’m finally getting my own life and will leave him.
I want to leave so bad but am scared as well.
What should I do?
Am I being selfish or is he??
Thanks guys
3 Replies
I've lived in rentals for 13 odd years (out of necessity). The current one is falling down around me and I've been waiting 3 months for my property manager to get the only toilet in the house fixed.
So I know how depressing it is living in a crappy rental and I'll never for the life of me understanding why anyone would choose to live this way if they dont have to.
You are not selfish for wanting to live comfortably, I'm actually really glad you've gone and got your diploma and found a job.
You're now able to be self sufficient, you dont have to live this way if you're unhappy.
Maybe it's time to start making a plan, leaving is scary but so is the prospect of spending the rest of your life in misery.
It's your house too, just say you're moving back. If its managed by real estate ask them to end the lease when able to and move back. He's being ridiculous. Get tough with him, tell him its been 7 years you want your home back.
Sounds like the mummy's boy just cant bear to be away from his parents to me. Its more about that than the house, for him.
Move back into your home when you can financially afford to and have a friend rent a room there to help you with the costs.