After 25 yrs I have finally told my mother ( and I use that word loosely) that my older brother sexual assaulted me for years. I was 8-9 and he was 14.
He denies it and she believes him.
How do I move forward without them....
I start counselling next week
Moving forward from abuse
Moving forward from abuse
Posted in:
Life Lessons
9 Replies
Sending strength to you x
You can do this. You're right, your mother is not a mother. She may believe you but she's sided with your brother because having a lying daughter is better than having a rapist son. She's avoiding the shame. Continue to stand tall. Know that you're living the truth and they are living a lie just to save face.
By living your best life.
I don't say this frivolously, it cost me my relationship with my mother who I was close to.
The psychologist. Mine was pretty useless but living in a small town there wasn't much to choose from. What I took from her was to grieve. The the loss of those ideals (the family I wanted vs the one I had, the support from my mother I wanted vs the lack of support I got etc) was a very real loss and until I grieved for them I wouldn't get past not having them. I hope yours is much better and you're here in 10 weeks saying how amazing they are.
For me, part of that grief process was to cut them out completely. Initially I didn't cut my mum out but to keep having that brother bought up in conversation, asking if he could come to my house... nah.
Tell yourself everyday you are who you are in spite of what you've suffered and who does or doesn't support you, and be a person for yourself to be proud of! Don't let this take your ability to love or trust. I still struggle with this one but I won't give up.
Hugs to you. I hear you, and I believe you.
Im going to start with I believe you and you are brave for standing up and saying something even if it is all these years later.
I'm at about the 15 year mark past from when I was sexually abused. The perpetrator was my step father. I wasn't believed by mother either. And wasn't spoken to for 7 years......
The only advice I have - is get every support you need (councilling, psychaitrist, psychologist) any that you possibly need. If I had known the damage that this causes. I would have had help sooner.
I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone.
I was sexually abused by my eldest brother at a similar age and age gap. My mother also has chosen to still support him so as "not to take sides" and it hurts a lot.
You are amazingly brave and strong. ❤
I believe you and I am so sorry this has happened to you. I too was sexually abused by a family member, a friend's cousin and a very trusted family friend/coach in my teens. I am now 34 and have only recently sought help - I wish I had done it sooner.
Well done for speaking up and speaking your truth. You don't need the negativy in your life at the moment. Get all the help you need and take time to process, heal and build yourself back up.
It is a tough road you are embarking on but give yourself the space and priority to heal. All the best x
Firstly, well done on having the courage to tell your mother what happened all those years ago.
Unfortunately I know too well how you are feeling. My brother and cousin sexualising assaulted and physically assaulted myself and my 2 sister's over a 7 year period.
Both my mother and father refuse to acknowledge that their son would do such a thing and we were told that we made it up so they'd hate him 😤
I seen a sexualising assault counsellor 4 years ago, I am 46, she did EMDR on me and I've not looked back only forward....although you have to experience everything all over again you will learn to accept that you can't change people's behaviour or how they react but you can move forward and be happy that you are living your truth...and don't forget it's not too late to charge him with sexual assault. Too many of these animals get away with their crime and once my father passes I plan to do exactly that!
My ex confessed to me many years ago that he sexually abused his little brother. I ended the relationship and spent years trying to track down the younger brother, when I finally bumped into him at random, and I just blurted it out "I know what your brother did to you, how can I help you?" He just broke down, couldn't believe someone believed him. Turns out the younger brother had also told his mother but she didn't believe him. The relief on his face said it all really. Sometimes just talking to people who believe you is enough to heal some small part of the damage.
So while I dont have any flash answers I just want to say I believe you.
I know how you feel. I to was sexually abused by my oldest brother and only just last year did I ever tell anyone that it happened (after 30 years. ) it is a tough time and I don’t know when I’ll ever be ok with it. I’m seeing a psych and have joined some support groups. He has admitted it happened and most of the family seem to have forgiven him (which I can’t understand) my dad says he’s not picking sides and so I have distanced myself from him too. I don’t ever want to see my brother again and I cringe just hearing his name. I wish you well on beginning to heal yourself.
You get yourself some really specialised help.... and you move on with your life, without your Mum and Brother.
You deserve better. It’s hard cutting family out, but so worth it when family are toxic.
Sending love and strength