Recently I’ve started to feel a bit down on myself.
I’m a high school drop out and my eldest is starting primary school in 2022.
Now I’m 29, 30 in a few months. I can’t study due to not being able to focus for more than two weeks on one thing (in the process of an offical adhd diagnosis) I’m a good mum to my kids, I’m a good partner and a good friend and family member. (Probably too good as I take on everyone else’s stress and try to fix it)
But I haven’t achieved anything. We will likely never own a home, can’t afford to get married due to debts my partner got before we were together (five years till we’re completely debt free), I’m due to go back to work after six years and the only place that I could get a job is fast food. I’ve got nothing to show for a life that feels like I spend running around exhausted taking care of everyone else.
I just feel like I’m throwing myself a pity party because everyone else is smashing the big goals and I’m glad when we can afford a pizza that’s not from the woolies freezer.
Has anyone else got themselves out of this rut? Because it sucks.
4 Replies
So very many of us don’t hit those big goals, and that’s ok. Life happens, we all have different challenges with different focus, and it’s not too late to go and do big things (if that’s what you really want).
The first thing you have to do, is be kind to yourself. It will probably help you to learn how to say no to some things and I’d also work with a psychologist to help you set your life up the way YOU want it. The diagnosis will help you with that too.
It’s also important to know you are Young, very young in the scheme of things, plenty of time to start a career etc if that’s what you want.
What you are describing sounds like classic depression symptoms.
- Feeling like a failure
- Like you haven't achieved anything
- Can't focus or finish studies
- Feel like you won't be able to achieve things in future
- Feeling down on yourself about your circumstances
I would honestly chat to a GP and look into getting on a mental healthcare plan. Even just to learn to be content with what you have and understand what is really important to you.
It sounds like owning your own home and being married is important, but do you need a big flashy wedding or can you go to the register and have a party afterwards? You have a job, one that will look great on a resume because you would have worked under pressure and has strict HACCP guidelines. It's just the start and if you choose to stay there, who cares where the money comes from!
Do free courses online, even if they don't actually gain a qualification they begin to train your brain towards the goal of concentration. Although you don't intend to head to a life of study options you'll need to be able to concentrate to hold down a job too.
Fast food, retail, factory. I went the factory due to better pay, and honestly more opportunities to progress up the career chain.
My partner and I bought our house in our 30's. Still not married but it's not a goal. If it is for you, you said 5 years to debt free. Decide in that time if you're saving for a wedding or a house deposit next.
I’m a teacher, can I beg you to consider studying. ADHD students still succeed and they succeed amazingly! Education is nothing like it used to be. Especially adult education. Give it a try, I bet you would enjoy it.