I had the in laws over for lunch. They live out of town so we don’t catch up often .
My 12 turning 13 year old daughter just told me that her cousin who’s 14 pinned her down and put his hands down her top and then covered her mouth and put his hands down her pants. When he left he sent her a message asking if she liked it and said that “touching you turned me on”....
First, I want to throw up. I reassure her and told her it’s not her fault. We had a chat and she seems okay.
I told my husband as it’s his sisters son.
Advice?
24 Replies
Your husband needs to talk to his sister.
Your daughter wasn't just inappropriately touched, she was sexually assaulted. Call it what it is, don't skirt around the issue because it's family and it might be awkward.
A very similar thing happened to me by my step brother, he got a telling off, I got to live with the trauma of a teenaged boy pinning me down and groping me while he climaxed in his pants.
If my teen nephews did this to my 12 year old daughter, there would be police involvement and I wouldn't even care if it ripped my family apart.
Society needs to crack down on this shit, boys need to be held accountable.
This is the advice
Your husband needs to tell his sister what happened, ensure action is taken & the boy isn't welcome wherever your daughter is. She should never be forced to socialise with or talk to him & never, ever be left alone with him. Should also block his number & social media access to her.
Women are too often told to deal with it because it's iinconvenient or 'not that bad'.If it costs relationships so be it. She must know It's sexual assault & never tolerated & that her parents support her safety above the family - not doing so says what he did was acceptable & we need to stamp this thinking out!
I hope she's ok. Keep talking to her as often she might say she's ok but she's not. I hope the boy gets help to realise what consent is.
This is sexual assault and it needs to be reported. Child Protection Caseworker here and I think it’s imperative that you show your daughter this is not ok and to take a stand and call the Police/Kids Helpline. If he is willing to do this to his cousin how many other children is he/has he done this too.
No. This wasn't an 'accidental' touch. You child was assaulted. She needs help and support, fuck everyone else. This is utterly reprehensible. This needs to be reported or he'll do it to others.
I was your daughter. A family member of similar age did this and I told my mum.
She did nothing! And at the time I was so confused and thought I’d done something wrong or it must be normal. Now as an adult and a parent I can’t believe how she reacted, I have no contact with her and I wish I could get the person responsible charged. It’s screwed up my whole perspective on what’s normal and taken years of counseling to finally be able to recognise the difference between abuse and a health relationship.
Her telling you she’s ok is not the truth. She’s trying to be brave and she’s confused. She’s just a kid.
You need to act on this. She’s not ok! She’s a preteen trying to make sense of it and the fact she told you is huge! Your reaction now will be her defining moment
Don't not talk about it. My family did that to me and it made me question if I'm crazy - like did it even happen?
My justice I'm afraid would be old school. He knew what he was doing and taunted her after. That boy would have the fucking snot beaten out him.
If there was no family relation, I can bet your bottom dollar everyone would be saying to report it to the police.
Please, for the sake of your daughter, go about this right way. Support her and show her what it means to stand up to sexual abuse. Go to the police, make a report, get her into counselling immediately. Fuck that he is family, he is a disgusting piece of shit and he then taunted her with that text. Give him what he deserves and march down to the cop shop PLEASE. I can guarantee she will not be the last person he does this to unless you step in.
So sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
I would call braveharts for advice xx
Might I add, there is a chance someone is abusing him.... hubby really needs to talk to his sister.
Omg your poor daughter.
That's 100% sexual assault. Talk to them and I'd even consider police. At 14 he should know better!
Who else has he done this to if he's doing it to his cousin?
Inappropriately touched? Sexually molested, you mean! Straight to the police and press charges. If he’s molesting his cousin, goodness knows who else he’s been molesting also.
You need to stand up and call this what it is. It’s sexual assault and you need to report this to police. They have staff expertly trained to speak to your daughter and take a statement. The boy needs to be charged and held accountable.
They can also refer your daughter to any services she needs such as counselling etc. do it now and don’t Sit on it. It’s her well-being at risk.
You need to go and report it ASAP and this boy needs a hard lesson in this is not ok.! Speak to the police and ask for advice. The kid needs a lesson taught.
Don’t speak to any one but the police first: this kid doesn’t need any warning time to come up with an excuse! Speak to the police and go front here. Don’t care for a minute about what the family will think. Your daughter comes first and this kid needs a lesson taught so he never does this again. How awful for your daughter.
I wouldn't even give the family time to come up with an excuse by telling the sister. Fuck that!
Please tell me you took her to the police and have the text for evidence. He sexually assaulted her.
I really hope she is okay.
This is sexual assault, police first.
after the police have done their work, and he is charged. You need to cut off that kid, and if your husband chooses to keep in contact that's on him.
You daughter needs a professional to handle thr mental load of this. the only thing i would also be concerned about who taught this 14 year old to behave like this, be very careful as i would suggest there is another predator preying on that young man.
The the sister needs to get him supported too.
Go to the police immediately. This is predatory behaviour and needs intervention ASAP.
1800 RESPECT is there any time your daughter needs to talk. I went through something similar when I was 14. Someone I wasn’t related to but it scarred me for years.
Call the police. He may grow up as a repeat offender. You have the opportunity to do what you can to make sure no other woman have to be at the end of his sexual assault.
And get your daughter to someone she can talk to about it. Your 12 year old had just been sexually assaulted, the age and relationship to her has no effect on that fact. Your baby has been the victim of sexual assault. Make sure he pays for it and she gets help
My 10 year old son molested my 6 year old daughter
I reported it immediately to his therapist
He was removed from my care the next day and placed with his dad
The grief over losing him was enormous, it tore our family apart but I needed my daughter to know I heard her and I would do everything in my power to keep her safe and I needed my son to know what he did was never ever acceptable
It broke me, truly, I barely functioned for at least a year after losing him, but I have never once regretted taking the action I did
Your daughter comes first in this situation, above and beyond anyone else
As an adult who had this happen to her by a cousin at 13, thank u for being there for her and back her 100%, report it! My family to this day doesn’t believe me, I struggle with nightmares and it’s effected my life more then people would know and not having family support it’s the hardest part so go u!
Please report this. You need to be your daughters voice. Keep the message he sent her as proof. If he is doing this now at 14, imagine when he gets older. She wasn’t just touched, she was sexually assaulted, just because he is 14 doesn’t make it acceptable.
Straight to the police to report it.
I was touched in a similar manner when I was 19. I never really got over it for over 20 years. I was scared of males and intimacy. I married an abuser, as he seemed safer than where I had been, and stayed with him way too long. Please get your daughter some councelling