Should I be miffed ... or am I overreacting????
My husband is by all accounts a lovely guy. He can be quite moody and grumpy, but there is no abuse and for most days, our household runs smoothly. He could not be described as a ‘go getter’ and when it comes to making plans or activities with the kids, he drags his feet or says “sounds like a good idea” or “what ever you think is a good idea” but takes no action. He is often missing with kids activities and school meetings, is late to things like footy practice and when he is there, it’s begrudgingly- I’ve come to stop asking him To come along as it’s often too much bother and I don’t want him there if he would rather be somewhere else. Tonight he has gone out for work drinks, which is fine - but I guess I’m upset as most Friday nights he can never make it to sports training as he is working late or stuck in traffic- yet today, as he is going out for drinks - he is home, changed and out the door by 430!!! I don’t mind him going out, I’m just upset that it’s always such a struggle for him to be home on time (usually he gets home between 615 - 630 most week nights) but when it’s something he wants to do- he is able to leave work Early!!!
9 Replies
I’d have been miffed about the sport etc full stop. Why bother having kids if you can’t be bothered being involved in there lives?
I think the problem here isnt the work drinks, its the fact hes absent from your lives. Its almost like you accepted him giving zero interest to you but now youre upset to see he'll bother for himself or something else.
Its never too late to decide something youve been accepting is not ok.
So sick to death of constantly reading on here about absent fathers. What the fk is wrong with some men! I dumped two exes for these reasons for not giving a flying toss about their kids extra curriculars. I am SO over deadbeat dads.
* yes I know there are deadbeat mums too but in this posts case I'm referring to dads as that's what it's based on .
Why would he be at training? Games yes, but training seems weird to go to if not the coach. My brothers and I were really into sports growing up. By high school I trained 30-40 hour per week. My parents didn't watch me train. The only sport we stay at training for is soccer and that's only because there's no point leaving to turn around again. My hubby doesn't do school meetings or medical appointments either... and he's an incredibly engaged dad. More than any other man I know to be honest.... even strangers comment all the time.
Maybe if he gets home early enough, he could take the child to training so mum can have a night off.
In my experience when there's a work do my boss will do what he can to get us out a bit earlier. It's not an every day occurrence, the rest of the time I stay until my work is done regardless of whether it's 8 or 18 hours but when there's a "reward" he doesn't want any of us missing out.
As for the rest of it. What's the point of having him at things if they don't interest him? Have you tried organising things he will enjoy? For instance I do the "out" things, art galleries, science exhibits, museum, day trips etc. My son and I travel together and see places, we stop if we find something cool to do along the way. Dad would be bored shitless. He does the camping trips, the fishing, the going to friends BBQ's and tinkering with their cars. He's never been to a soccer game or a karate grading but he helped our lad catch his first fish, prepare it, cook it. He taught him to use power tools. Pitch a tent. Change a spark plug. Safely use a ladder. Now teaching him to MIG weld.
He's also never been to a school parent teacher meeting. He doesn't like schools, thinks the teachers look down on him for being a tradie, or how he looks. That they'll think he's dumb. He's much happier for me to report back and listens attentively so he's aware of what's going on.
My hubbies a super intelligent tradie.... but he doesn't feel comfortable around academics other than me. So he let's me do those things. He took our son to counselling once. At home, he can articulate exactly what our son is struggling with and how he reacts etc. He was so uncomfortable at the counselling session we were reimbursed our 250 and the appointment was rescheduled for when I could attend.... in a practice that charges full price if cancellations are less than 5 business days in advance, even if you're sick. I don't think it's reasonable to expect both parents to do everything together.
This is my hubby to a tee!
And our son is only two!
My husband often complains about his dad, who is also lovely but emotionally not present. So I often say to my hubby, don't be like your dad, be better!
I also say we brought our son into this world its our responsibility to give him the best of us.
My hubby is super process driven, so I have found making a schedule works for him, we have a night thats about us, a night where he can do his own thing and the rest of the time is all about our child, tv off, phones off 150% attention on our child. I dont think the emotional side of parenting comes to some dads very easily. They forget these activities are important to our kids, they forget what it was like being a kid and wishing our dads were at our games to cheer us on. They forget their rolls are more than just financial.
Ask him why he hates being around his kids . Ask how he could get home so early for his thing but is ALWAYS late for family things. Ask is he punishing the child or YOU for asking him to be there. Ask does he not want to be a parent..he needs to think about the message he sends