I need some advice, this might come out all jumbled because im extremely emotional right now.
My family has pushed my into a corner and I'm struggling! Im a 30 yr old a single mum with 2 kids, 1 with special needs, mr 5 and miss 10. I work friggin hard!! at some points I've even worked 3 jobs, weekend work when my kids go to their dads, I've done It alone nearly 5 years now with the occasional baby sit from grandparents for extra shifts or coffee with friends. Life was going really good! 2 years ago I even brought my first home with a very small mortgage, I was so proud of myself!!
Now unfortunately I do not live in my home and the reason behind this is: My 28 year brother is due to be released from prison, when? I do not know! his parole eligibility date was months ago. My parents, my mum mainly! Have convinced me that I am the only family member left, other than them that can get my brother out of prison 2 years early while on parole. Due to his offence he can not return to my parents home as my father is a competition shooter and owns firearms which he refuses to give up for him. My brother needs an address where he will live to be eligible for parole as well as approval of that property that it is suitable I.e no he can't camp in someone's garage! Now my mum convinced me that my small 3 bedroom house I purchased for MYSELF! is too small and that I needed to rent a 4 bedroom house so when my brother is released he can live with me.
Well I've been living here nearly 6 months now, I'm paying $490 a week in rent on my own, which is half my wage! I have bills coming out of my a**! My internet has been cut off, my phone is about to be cut off too, I barely have enough money left to feed my kids! I hardly have enough fuel to even pick them up from their dads which is an hour away. I have so much out goings I can barely breath!! I receive family tax, $110 in the pension a fortnight and my wage, I pay EVERYTHING on my own including my sons special needs appointments some covered by NDIS, before/after school care and out of school programs to work, water rentage, body corporate fee's and rates on my property. Im not behind because I didn't budget properly!! Im behind because the person who I've rented my house out too missed rent on a few occasions and ive had to make up the difference so I didn't default, that's all being sorted and hes being booted. My lease was a 6 months and its up in a month and a bit, thank God!!! Now I want to return back to my "little" 3 bedroom home where I pay $290 a week in mortgage saving myself $200 a week!! I told my mum and she FLIPPED!! All I heard was "where's you're brother going to live" "what about your brother, he has to spend longer in jail because of you" "you need to sell that house if you cant afford!!" "You can't just change your kids schools now, your sons just started prep" my dad he says "do what you want"... Now I feel pressured into staying in a place that's financially destroying me and I have no idea what to do!! I just want the home I worked so hard for back!! I want to live my life for me no one else, I'm so depressed that I can't enjoy my time off on weekends with my kids because I literally can't even afford to drive them to the nearest park or buy them a toy for behaving and being brilliant children!!
What would you do?
19 Replies
Self preservation- unfortunately your brother has consequences for his actions! Don’t let him drown you too..
Go back to your home and do not let anyone let you feel guilty for it!
He is in jail due to his actions and if your dad won’t give up guns that’s on him! Don’t blow up your financial security when your dad won’t give up guns be 💪
Absolutely this!🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 your brothers actions put him in this situation if the consequences are that he serves his full sentence then so be it. Why should you or your children suffer because of it.
Go back to your home, straighten that crown and be the queen that you know you are❤
Not for one second would I uproot everything just because your parents say so! Put it back on your parents, it’s not your problem to solve. Do not feel guilty, your brother stuffed up it’s not your problem!!! Go back to the home you can afford and don’t look back!
You do you Boo.
It’s your life.
If your mum so desperately wanted your brother out of jail, she would rent a house on her own seperately from your dad because his thinking of himself too.
Tell your mum, if you care that much, get rid of the firearms.
Put it back on her.
Sorry, her and your father can make the sacrifice.
I’m so angry for you right now, I’m in the same boat, a mortgage the same as yours, that rent would kill me also.
Nope, if they cared, they would get rid of the weaponary.
Look her dead in the eye and tell her, “he will have to stay in jail because you have guns, I don’t want to hear another word from you, the ball is well and truly in your court. Make your decision. My kids need to eat and that’s my priority.”
End of story.
Move back into your place ASAP, please, please lovely lady x
Oh no, there is something really wrong with your parents.
Time to go no contact until they can behave themselves!
What parent would do this to there child?
Oh no no no.
You are a single mum. You and your kids come first. Its fucking hard, you just can't be renting a house for someone elses priorities. Especially when its parents guilt and they could really easily secure their firearms at a local shooting range and have him themselves.
Time to get back to saying NO, and dealing with your own plate, its full enough.
What would I do? I'd tell them all to get bent, move out of the rental and start worrying about myself and my kids.
I'd honesty suggest you get yourself some therapy and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I just mean that your mum at least seems to have way too much pull over you. Most people would vehemently refuse to move out of their home and into a rental they couldn't afford to accommodate their criminal brother.
Seriously hun, none of this is your problem or responsibility. Your 2 kids need you, they are your number one priority here.
Your mum can rent a 2brm unit, your dad can stay home with his guns, your brother puts your mums unit address on his paperwork and you move back to your house.
Why?
Because his life choices ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM.
Your Dad has the right idea here. He hasn't changed anything for your brother and he's told you to do what you want, in other words don't live your life around your brother.
Completely ignore your Mum. She sounds like she's guilt tripping to the max and taking it out on you. She's not thinking clearly.
Tell your mum THEY can rent a house for their son and that's it.
You and your kids need to come first.
You need to grow some balls. I will be blunt and say it. I won't be sorry or beat around the bush - you have let yourself get it to this far. Stop being a push over, cut the toxicity out of your life and tell them to fudge off. Don't be a victim anymore.
Evict your tenants, stop renting and go live in your own home.
If they say anything tell them they can pay for THEIR son to rent somewhere and block them.
I guess his offence was violence related if he can't be around guns...in which case leave him there. I bet if he was the victim and not the perpetrator your Mum would be fighting for the perp to do a full sentence. You owe none of them anything. Go back to your home and be happy.
Hunni you are not your Brothers keeper, this is your parents responsibility and if they can't have him then that's up to them. You are a Mum and the only responsibility that you have is you and your kids. Be strong, say no and tell your Mother than this is the last you want to hear of it..
He got himself in gaol not you. It's not your responsibility to get him out. Especially if it costs you more then you can afford. If he hasn't gotten parole there's probably a good reason why. Don't feel guilty. Protect yourself and your children.
Your brother isn't your child, he is, however, your parents child. So if they can't make sacrifices for their own child, why are they expecting you to make sacrifices for him?
You worked hard for what you have - enjoy it and don't let anyone make you feel bad.
I think you know the answer to this. You do you.
Your brother made his choices. Your parents made there’s. You have a choice too.
He’s not your responsibility. He’s your parents. They are the ones who have to make a sacrifice. If they don’t want to, then it’s not up to you to.
It may create a bone of contention with them. But again, not your monkey, not your circus.
I don’t know the circumstances or how it works...but what if he stuffs up again?
Say no. And move back to your own little sanctuary you’ve worked so hard for. And keep doing the amazing job you’re doing.
You know what you do? You say F*ck you! Pack your stuff when your lease is up and move back into YOUR home. Your brother created his situation, your brother can deal with the fall out. If your parents are so worried about him tell them to organise a rental for THEIR child or sort THEIR business out so he can live there. You got your own kids to worry about. You don’t need to be worrying about anyone else’s. Least of all one who could potentially bring more trouble to your door than it’s even worth thinking about. Stuff what your parents think they’re only putting the guilts up you because they know they’re wrong. Who puts one kid in the shit to pull the other one out when it’s their job not yours to look out for their kid
Your brother made his decisions and paid the consequences. You are not responsible for him. You are responsible for yourself and your children. Tell your mum to go rent a two bedroom unit for him to stay with her. I cannot even believe your mother would put you and your children below a grown ass man.
Move back into your home and enjoy your life again. You earned that home it time for you all to enjoy it. Stand firm ❤️