Trigger warning sexual assault, graphic descriptions
My husband has a big sexual appetite and normally I'm fairly happy to go along. I enjoy sex as well but I do have some lines which he is well aware of due to multiple discussions we have had over our relationship.
He has crossed a few of my limits and we have discussed this each time and he has promised to do better.
He has just 30 minutes ago blown in my mouth. Quite forcibly. I was giving him a consensual bj after he begged because I was tired and really just wanted to go to sleep. While performing the act he has obviously enjoyed it and grab my head- pulled me closer to him and his d$%k further into my mouth and blown. I pulled back as soon as I could spat it out jumped up and said what the fuck.
All he said is "I didnt mean to do that it just hit me"
I put my shirt in the wash because it also had semen on it and went to have a shower. He then asked me- why are you having a shower?
I feel like this has completely broken trust. I cannot speak to him and I am so so so angry and upset. I hate having someone finish in my mouth which my husband is well aware of because I've told him on many many occasions and I have always said that I I wouldn't do it for him. I am disgusted.
He waited for me in the bed while I showered and then asked where I was going and if I was talking when I went to our loungeroom. I just can't talk to him. I'm so upset.
13 Replies
Your husband is revolting, I’m so sorry you went through that.
It’s not the first time, his behaviour is very disrespectful, I would evaluate the entire relationship and if this is something you want to continue.
Hugs to you.
Maybe he didn’t actually
Mean it? Talk to him about why you didn’t like and etc
Wait, you mean to say that maybe he didn't mean to coherce her into oral sex, didn't mean to grab her head (which removes her ability to pull away) and isn't mean to ejaculate into her mouth?
She has told him she doesn't like it on previous occasions - it requires no further discussion.
I'm sorry, I know you're trying to be helpful but rationalizing non consensual sex acts is dangerous.
Oh he meant to release in your mouth as clear as day you can bet on that ! Also don't kid yourself girl you didn't give him a consensual blow job. You wanted to sleep. He coerced you. You did it to keep the peace. You were forced.
He's sexually assaulting you by deliberately crossing all your boundaries. He knows them and ignores Them. This shit would be a deal breaker for me. What a scummy scungy little rapist.
Well said!
Op listen to this.
Could literally not have said this better!
Look, I enjoy giving a BJ to my husband. We have a strong, healthy relationship. The key word? Enjoy. I don't do it to shut him up. I don't do it to just get over it. I don't do it to be left alone.
This is coercive behaviour. This is not ok. This is NOT on. He knows how you feel. He knows your boundaries. Yet he chose to cross them.
I'm sorry but no. Nope. No. Not on. Not now. Not ever.
Am I the only one thinking he may have just got caught up in the moment? If my partner told me not to cum in his mouth I would find it hard, sometimes I go when I still think I have a few minutes left. I'm just saying if he has been respectful of your wishes so far there could be some truth to him saying it just happened. If he was the malicious rapist that everyone has painted him as here he would have done this a long time ago, not so many years into a marriage.
Getting caught up in the moment and grabbing her head and forcing it in place while he cums is 100 per cent a choice. At no point during that is he actually unable to control his hands and make different choices.
Just because theyre married and he hasnt done it before does not change what happened or mean it cant happen. But if tou read it again it actually does sound like coercive behaviour and crossing discussed boundaries has happened repeatedly in the past throughout their relationship.
"Getting caught up in the moment" could apply to any number of situations. Still doesn't make it an acceptable defense!
Consent isn't conditional. Period.
It doesn't matter if he's usually respectful or if this was out of character, it doesn't matter if they've been married for 40 years, half arsed excuses don't matter - if you don't have permission to perform a sex act on someone or if you go against someone's wishes regarding a sex act, it's a crime.
Please stop minimising that. Sexual abuse within spousal partnerships is a massive problem.
Nope, your post describes a very unhealthy relationship, where your husband thinks it’s ok to stomp your boundaries, whinge until he gets what he wants and that does not equal consent.
You’ve clearly talked about this with him before and he hasn’t learnt. I’d be out of there, now. This is a toxic situation and he doesn’t understand the basic principles of consent.
My opinion is that crossed "boundaries" occur because there's poor communication lines and a lack of consequences. Hence boundaries in quotation marks, not because it's not your line in the sand, but because poor communication skills (on both or one side) means boundaries are often pretty one sided.
Have you had enough? Enough to leave?
Have you had enough of being unheard and just want him to do what you fucking ask?
1. Leave. There is nothing forcing you to stay.
2. Relationship counselling. Whether it's you not getting your point across adequately or him being an ignorant prick who doesn't listen, bring in a professional to see if the 2 of you can't come to a concrete understanding of where the battle lines lie.
Asshole. That would be the last BJ he ever gets if that was me. I’m so sorry he disrespected you like this. It’s not ok for him to go against boundaries you’ve previously set.