I don't think there is a question here I just need to write. I'm feeling so burned out. I'm the mother that has a behaviour challenged child, you know the ones that many people say the parents are at fault. My child has reactive attachment disorder and while there has been improvements there is also still many days he goes off. Currently on a school suspension. I'm a mother of 4 and the behaviours rub off on the others so I end up having all act awful. We do therapy, we do consequences, we've tried it all. All while I'm dealing with shitty behaviour I'm doing my best to keep the house clean, clothes washed etc. My husband does his best and I'm so grateful to have someone so supportive. I have complex ptsd and have a therapist and I'm doing all I can to hold onto me the woman but all I feel lately is I'm just there to be my kids slave and shit kicker. Feeling so run down and beaten mentally. I know I'll keep at it I always do but I also need care.
5 Replies
You don’t mention the kids ages, but do they do chores? My kids each started doing chores from about age 3, simple things like setting or clearing the table, helping to feed the dog, little things like that. Now they are teenagers and could essentially fend for themselves. I still need to tell them what jobs they need to do each day but they will do it. They are part of the family so need to help look after it. Make your children help around the house doing age appropriate chores. It will help them learn that mum isn’t their slave, but also help prepare them for adulthood and running their own home.
Teenagers. They won't do anything especially my 16 year old rad child. I ask, I therapeutic parent, I do absolutely everything I can to get these kids to help even go on strike but they're so lazy. My 19 year old helps thankfully but the rest forget it. Suspended son hasn't even attempted the school work. I pick my battles with that as his melt downs can and do get dangerous to people around and property.
Maybe try some tough love. Stop doing anything for them until they start helping you. Don’t wash there clothes. Don’t cook for them. Don’t clean up after them. Store a set of dishes, cutlery, cups in your room for you and hubby, so you always have a clean set. It will be hard living with the mess, but when they have no clean clothes or dishes tell them they need to do it themselves. When they start doing things to help you then you start helping them again.
There was a time some weren't in my care so I was set up to fail pretty much right from the beginning. I would have had routine sorted early but hard to undo 10 years of the damage my ex did thus the trauma related rad
Can you get respite for the RAD child?
I think tough love will backfire on the rad child.