Back story. My husband and I have 6 daughters, 17, 15, nearly 12, nearly 11, 3 and 1. We currently live in a small 3 bedroom home with the two eldest sharing the dining room. My husband earns 6 figures but wanted to save before building our new home. Homes been picked - 5 bedrooms all with ensuites. My hubby wants to build our eldest a granny flat as she’s just started working and needs space. He also just bought her a brand new car last weekend which she’s paying off interest free. The 15 year old will be downstairs in the nanny suite - so small sitting room private ensuite and bedroom. The other 4 will be upstairs with us with the two little ones sharing a room. We are building on just under an acre and want a pool and entertaining area.
We had our eldest when I was 18 then the next when I was 20. Hubby was at uni, money was super tight with us not having much money and couch surfing at times. When we had our third we purchased our small house before having number 4. It was fine 2 girls in each room, tight but cosy.
Hubby wanted to try for a boy giving us our 5th daughter. I agreed to try once more and along came number 6 daughter. I’m still breast feeding number 6 and now hubby wants to try for number 7. I feel like I’m done. I’m 36 he is 38. We have a nearly 18 year old as well as a one year old! I feel like I’m done. I’m alone with our daughters a lot as he works long hours. I work full time as does our eldest. My kids are great pitching in to help get dinner on the table help do lunch boxes etc. We are about to build our dream home! That’s just the right size for what we already have!
I really feel done with 6 and knowing our luck will get a 7th daughter. I mean I love my girls but seriously 6 training bras, 6 first periods, 6 formal dresses.....
I really don’t want to try again but he is becoming so insistent. Am I the ass?
Am I the ass for not wanting more children?
Am I the ass for not wanting more children?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
25 Replies
It sounds like neither of you want that many kids (thats a whole lifestyle choice) its just that theyre all girls and he wants a boy.
And thats a want that he can come to terms with, and not a reason to have yet another baby. I mean what if its a girl again?
Don’t get me wrong we love our children and always wanted a big family but he is so desperate for a son and I am well and truly done! I worry he will leave if I don’t try again
That's not fair that your husband would leave you , sorry but that is really harsh. You've brought 6 healthy children into this world, your mind and body physically and mentally has done more than enough.
At what point does what you want count? Pregnancies, births, babies, children. There is no guarantee the next one will be a boy.
I think if anything I would find out costs to ascertain a boy then put that back on him, assuming you would even consider that. If not, then dont. That really is fair enough its sad you dont see how it unfair the situation is.
I don’t think I would consider it as if I found out how much it cost he would probably want to go ahead with it. He does earn quite a decent living and could definitely afford it.
My thing is our eldest are watching their younger sisters get things we just couldn’t afford when they were little. And yes he is spoiling them now but I still worry about the repercussions when they are older and I inevitably have to apologise to them for missing out on different things the others didn’t miss out on
I think so too. But my hubby is so much more attractive then me. My body isn’t what it used to be after having 6 kids!
I feel sick for you. If he leaves, he isn’t a great guy, and you deserve sooo much better.
BTW gender selection is illegal in Australia so he’d literally have to find a born boy baby in order to guarantee a boy.
If you have all this money, its time now to spend it on yourself. Lady, youve had 6 babies!!! And youre raising 6 kids, where on earth is the respect for you???
Having more babies 1. Wont bring it. And 2. Will only push you down further and make you feel more stuck and less lovable to anyone else. Time to turn those demands around, what you want for your body counts!!!
And just fyi, noones going to jump at a guy that works 6 days a week, has 6 kids and the reason hes single is 'wah wah wah my ex didnt/wouldnt...'
Switch that narrative around in your head!
I really feel you're stretched. And although healthy etc, you're getting older. And you would be so busy with 6 kids right now too, especially too if hubby works long hours. I think you have every right to say you're done, I mean 6 children, and girls too, I understand ; formals periods hahaha.. there is no guarantee it'd be a boy next time. I think you really need to state you're done. Good luck.
Omg so busy. He works 6 days a week and leaves early gets home after the two youngest are asleep. I’m not wanting more at all. I love my girls but am so ready to stop being pregnant!
Just so you know boys are difficult too in their own way.
I wouldn't go for a 7th.
Yep I’ve watched my nephews and omg my girls are a breeze compared to them lol
Tell him if he wants to try for a boy then he can get pregnant, live with the crazy hormones and go through the delivery because you’re shutting up shop.
Yep pretty much my opinion too. I do have easy pregnancies but when is enough enough!
Nope. You are not an ass.
Everyone has a limit. For some that is 1, 0 or 6. Reaching your limit at what ever your number is and what ever your family situation never makes someone an ass.
Knowing that your partner/husband/wife doesn’t want more and continuing to apply pressure is an asshole move.
It doesn’t matter how good your kids are, your financial situation, housing situation. No means no!
Oh heck no. I don't do pregnancy well. Hubby got the snip after 2 for me. In fact, he wasn't prepared to have me go through a second pregnancy but I really wanted 2 kids (though it took 3 yrs for my natural reaction to someone announcing they were pregnant not to be I was so sorry lol). He really wanted a family of 4 but he was concerned for me. If you're done (and 6 is huge)... hubby needs to man up and back you. End of story.
Maybe you need to remind your husband that anything he is longing to do with a son he can actually do with his 6 daughters!
My husband loves taking our 2 daughters to sport, watching footy together, going for adventures, daddy’s day at school etc. He would have loved a boy but instead has 2 wonderful daughters to enjoy!
I don’t think you’re being an ass. If you’re done then you’re done. You’ve tried 2 more times for a boy. How many more times will he ask you to try again if the next baby is a girl?
The comment that follows is meant as a joke:
It's his fault you have girls anyway - he keeps putting up those X sperm!!
This comment is serious:
No, you are not an ass for being done. 6 pregnancies and births, and 6 of everything else! You have 6 beautiful, healthy children. You are so blessed. You deserve to be done. And the risks to you and your baby that come with pregnancies as you age, are they worth it? What if you try again and it's a girl? What then?
And what are your daughters meant to think if they only exist because he wanted a boy?
I get the desire of a man to have a son but it's not all it is cracked up to be. We all have visions and wishes for our kids but our kids are not vessels for our dreams.
So he needs to work out if it's a deal breaker. I hope he doesn't. He sounds like a good guy. Much love.
He truly is a fantastic husband and father. He works hard and long hours so the girls don’t go without. He wants to help them all out and give them the help they need to succeed.
He just desperately wants a boy 🙄
I did say to him it’s because of him they are all girls!
I think that’s the conversation I’ll be having with him - especially as we are about to build our dream house! I don’t want to build it then split!
Thank you
Just tell him to raise independent women that insist their husband take their name lol. I have 1 of each and hubby jokes our girl is the son he always wanted. Surely in 6 kids, he has one that is like him ?
The eldest and forth are exactly like him! The oldest has held down a part time job since 14 while finishing high school to save for a home deposit which she’s using to build the granny flat and now works full time. The forth is an over achiever exactly like him!
And he absolutely loves all of them, the older 4 go out on a daddy daughter date once a month (he takes one a week) the younger two will once they are 5.
No you are not an ass! Holy moley you have 6 kids. My body was done after 3. Go to the dr with him and they can tell you all of the risks of a pregnancy at your age. Not to mention your mental health. If your worried he will leave you if you don’t then you have a bigger issue and maybe counselling is worth a try. Stay strong xx
This makes me so mad! Imagine the pressure/expectations on your son if you do have one! What if he is feminine, hates sports etc! My Dad has 1 son and 3 daughters. It’s my sister that goes fishing and watches footy with him, not my brother. If he is a great husband he won’t leave you!
After two boys I really wanted a girl so we did gender selection ivf in the US it was expensive but a fraction of the cost of having 7 children.