Sorry for the long post and it being over the shop trying to give some background information and please am not looking to hear leave or stay just specially on anxiety/borderline “voice”
Vs real thoughts
**in the process of working with a psych! And getting started on medication- I purely want personal experiences on how you personally work through/distinguish your own normal thoughts/feelings vs “anxiety/dichotomous thinking”**
**obviously until I work on my head I am not in a place to be in any relationship- but I also don’t want to leave it x amount of months to get my head sorted and give him the chance of moving on if it’s going to be the biggest mistake of my life and it’s only been my disorders talking me out of the relationship/making it toxic **
For those when the disorders take place how do you distinguish real thoughts/feelings vs “anxiety” voice so to speak. I have been in an on and off again relationship for the last 4 years and partner/ex has hit final straw and wants to walk away. All the relationship it has been me calling it quits and breaking off/back on as all I saw was the hurt he did to me until now I no longer liked him as a person. A friend very bluntly put it to me it was me making stuff up in my head and making issues that weren’t there until it got to the point he was like fuck it I’m being accused of things anyway. It was very toxic for both of us and I am only seeing know how much I played a part of it. She very much believes it was my headspace talking me out of the relationship. Over the course of the relationship I had overdosed due to the dichotomous thinking and the constant flip flopping until I could not get a break in my head and couldn’t work out what thought was real/not and 70% of it was to do with my relationship so I blamed him. For those who are in long term relationships with these or other disorders how do you work out if you love them or not? I understand long term relationships you end up choosing to stay committed even through phases out of love but how do you distinguish keeping yourself in a relationship as it is just your disorder questioning the relationship verses you actually have moved on from the relationship?
My question I guess is for those who have made long term relationships work with these illnesses or similar when the “anxiety voice” (ie paranoia, worthlessness, self sabotage behaviours) how did you work out if it’s just your head talking and that you deep down truly want that relationship or if the relationship was triggering the illnesses? Sort of what came first chicken or egg question?
Half of me sees that needing to go on meds and seeing a psych to keep a relationship working shows I’m in the wrong relationship but on the other hand if these negative emotions are due to my illness then it’s not the relationship it’s just the anxiety? And I would have this same fight with any partner? And I get completely stuck to break down point trying to work out what thoughts/feelings are real and what’s illness- it’s been my only relationship so I can’t compare to previous to know what is similar or caused by this
3 Replies
Sort your mental health out and the rest will follow. If you cant sort it out due to the relationship then yes, its time to leave. You have to put your own mental health fieat, nothing will be easy to sort through without it.
This is something that your psych can work through with you.
It’s a complex issue.
I still struggle with this when I don't keep myself in check. I started with meds and psych. Then when I was stable and doing well psych helped me when off meds.
5 years on and I've been diagnosed with GAD on top of PTSD and I've come to accept meds are just going to be part of my life.
When I'm under a lot of stress I can find it difficult to not give into my thoughts and sometimes I do, I'm only human. Every day is a new day and my partner now understands what I'm going through and has been a life saver, he's holding me every step of the way