My DD is turning 9 and my ex has been in her life since she was 3 and who she sees as “dad” (not step dad as her bio dad not in pic or on birth certificate) he has found someone who he possibly wants to start dating- which has me thinking how do I negotiate their relationship when either one of us gets into a serious relationship. He is absolutely wonderful to still be staying dad to her and has already made it clear to the girl he wants to see. He calls 5-7 nights a week and comes home for big events birthday, state sports etc (he does FIFO lives interstate and has while we were together)(and no financial help which I wouldn’t expect anyway) Is this okay on new parties on both sides moving forward? Is this fair on future new partners to accept? We’re both mid 20s if it makes a difference on what to expect?
5 Replies
I think it's fine but I'd preparing your daughter for him exiting her life. I hope I'm wrong, but once he gets a new partner she will want his attention & he'll probably slowly disappear.
I really, really hope I'm wrong.
Is him loving a child he helped raise unfair on someone? Tbh fuck them! You just have to wait and see how it plays out long term, but he doesnt have to leave her life because hes left yours, as long as hes left yours then its legit their relationship and everyone else can deal with it.
Absolutely it’s fine :) one of my close friends growing up, her “dad” wasn’t her biological father and had split with her mum when she was 8. He’s still in her life now she’s 30 and he even had her one week on, one week off from age 12 :)
Who cares what’s fair for future partners? Not me!
Your focus should be what’s fair and best for your child.
This current arrangement sounds like it’s working, so it should stay. Hopefully your ex stays in for the long haul.
I’ve been separated from my sons bio father since he was a baby. My ex husband was present though all his life (bio father completed absent). Still to this day, 5 years after separating, he’s still actively involved in my sons life and sees him every week and contact as they both see fit. My ex is engaged and due to get married, no doubt in the next year or so. He made it clear that if his partner couldn’t accept my son (as his) he wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. She’s accepting of my son.
What I’ve learn though is this only seems to work if you still have a good relationship with your ex and it’s not complicated or made complicated. I might not agree with his choice of women (prior to this some were ..... different). But I fully trust my ex to make the right choices for my son while he is with him and address any concerns like I would if he was the biological father.