Hi IM’s,
Mum of 2 happily married and my life is pretty good no complaints.
But!
I’m struggling with my temper. For a few years now my anger and temper seems to have gotten the best of me. I’m Not always angry in fact I’m generally quite a fun and easy going person, that’s generally how most people describe me.
How ever, I sometimes seem to get so bloody angry. I don’t break or smash things - I yell!! I yell at the kids and my hubby and my mother.
Sometimes when I’m in one of these rages with hubby or my mum I can go for hours arguing and arguing and arguing my point! It’s so exhausting! I just want the other person to see my point of view. I want them to understand what I’m saying. And yes I am
Fully aware that it makes me
Sounds like a complete fruit loop
Or control freak!!
I grew up in. Household where shouting was
Normal, there was physical violence and alcoholism too. I vowed I wouldn’t put my kids through that and while there is no physical violence or alcoholism involved in our lives - I still yell. I know fully well what it must do to my kids. It devastates me, and I really want to stop but I don’t know how.
I will add that this doesn’t happen often - once a month or once every 2 months. I wonder if it is related to my period? This raging - I’m not trying to minimise my faults at all. I’m 42 and I think I’m approaching menopause- hot flashes and periods are slowing down.
Or have I got some sort of mental
Illness?? I’m willing to go and see someone but who? GP? Counseling? I’m becoming unbearable even to myself!
Please can anyone offer any suggestions.
6 Replies
You’ve learned these behaviours, you’re only doing what you’ve been taught.
Now you recognise it’s counterproductive and so you need to unlearn these patterns.
I would say a psychologist would be a good start.
Good on you for wanting to change, you just need some strategies.
I'm peri meni snd i don't rage like this. In fact none of my peri meni friends rage like you describe. Hormonal issues do make people a bit more moody but the rages you describe are something deeper. Time to seek psychological help before you say or even do something you're going to deeply regret. Maybe anger management classes can help. See what your doctor suggests.
Sorry, I’m in this age bracket. And no, I don’t behave this way.
I think you need to see a psychologist for some new coping mechanisms.
Raging doesn’t make people listen, in fact it’s really hard to hear and take someone seriously who rages like this. It just makes people frightened and shut down.
In other times around the bursts of anger do you express your emotions and feelings? Or do you tend to hold it in creating that explosion effect?
Is it the same time of month to relate it to your period? Does you husband and mother help with the kids? Do you need more support around the house or with the kids?
These are the kinds of questions and much more that a counsellor would ask to try and get at the root of the anger. So it might be worth getting a mental health care plan and seeing someone.
Practice some meditation and/or mindfulness. Make sure you take part in self care. Find other strategies that will help you get your point across - mind dumping, instead of yelling at someone write every thought down, it doesn't have to make sense but you will be able to get it out and then if you still want to get your point across then you can read through it and pick out the parts that do make sense and rewrite it for your mum or husband.
Like others have said this is what you grew up with and it's probably just your mind and bodies natural way to dealing with things because it is what it knows. You just need to break the cycle.
This could me me writing this even the age.. I went through everything I could think to help myself whilst the doctors told me my period could be a factor they put my onto a counsellor she was brilliant and whilst she explained that my moody outbursts were something I could control she explained that also being the easy going happy person I was wasn't helping id brush alot off I'd laugh alot off and give in too easy and that if I learnt to speak up that little bit sooner I'd find my mood would be better towards difficult situations its actually helped me and people soon learnt I was a push over which was a bonus.. might ad too that she explained how the other side view people like us is way different because we generally go from one extreme to another and rather quick so to them we go overboard and behave like utter nutcases. Hang in there honey have faith 🤗🤗
This was me and my anger settled after having a polyp removed. No joke I seemed insane angry. The lil fucker was messing with my hormones I was 43. Now 45 and my anger is non existant to manageable when needed lol. See your gp and say my hormonal anger is off the chart I can't keep doing this to my kids I need to find the cause.