So I cheated on my husband .. trust me I know ! We have been together since I was 17 he was 24 .. he had slept with a few people before me but he was my first . We are now in our 30s ..
I think about sex a lot and love the idea and lead up to it but during sex with my husband it’s always been well crap and I thought this was normal . Iv tried talking to my husband and explaining how i like it and teaching him about the clit . He doesn’t really listen , he isn’t very sexual or affectionate .
When I cheated I couldn’t believe I orgasmed twice , because he asked what I liked and listened . I didn’t realise that is how sex is meant to feel !!
My husband just doesn’t give me much affection not because he’s a dick he’s just like that even with the kids . I have brought this issue up with him so many times also! I have told him I want to feel loved , sexy and wanted by him . He says he does he just doesn’t known how to show me . So this isn’t his fault in anyway ! And I have just gone and done the worse thing to him ever .
Over our 14year marriage I have had many men try with me and I have always easily said no ( even tho I wouldn’t if I was single ) . This man I slept with and know kinda well , just kissed me randomly and it just happened at no point did I even stop and think how I was married .. I can’t believe how my body just took over !
I feel like I want to leave the marriage , I wish I could say because it’s for him . But I want someone to buy me presents even if it’s $2 ! Just to be thought of on Valentine’s Day , birthdays especially Christmas .. when everyone else opens presents it feels crap not having any . I want someone to do things for me sometimes , show me some affection and love ! Nothing massive just little things like a random “ I love you “ message . But I feel like this is such a terrible thing to end a marriage and break up a family over? I do love him and we have a great time together and get on well ! If I told him I cheated I know he would want to work it out . If I stay I’ll tell him and give him the choice . If I leave I don’t think I will as I don’t want to hurt him twice ..
To add I wouldn’t leave the marriage to be with the man I cheated with . I think I need to first discover who I am as person .
8 Replies
Firstly, i respect you for owning your mistakes. You've done the wrong thing but that also doesn't make you a bad person. Everything in life is a lesson.
I want to say I COMPLETELY understand. I have been with my husband since I was 17. He played the field before me, he was 19 when we got together. He is my first and only.
I have thought a lot about sex with other people, wondering if I'm missing anything. Often thought about leaving to find myself and who I am as a person without him.
BUT! My hubby is incredible, we communicate well, he listens to what I want and need. He literally worships the ground I walk on. My curiosity is not enough to throw this away because I know I'll regret it.
If your husband isn't all of that for you then i say absolutely time to move on. We're too young and life really is too short to settle. Spread your wings and learn all about you. However make sure that your feelings have been made crystal clear to hubby so that when and if you leave, its not because he didn't know and didn't try.
Goodluck ❤❤❤
You are definitely not missing anything, if you have a good one hold on to him! :) xo
As someone who has gone and played the field...it isn't life changing. I'd take a good man over previous sexual experience any day.
I think they are really genuine, real and valid reasons to leave a marriage.
You aren’t compatible with your husband and that’s ok. It’s better to set him free so you can both go be happy and be open to meeting the people you are compatible with.
A relationship has to meet both people’s needs to a point in order to work. It sounds like you’ve given up a lot of very normal things, that most people wouldn’t compromise on.
You don't need a reason or validation to leave the marriage.
Just leave and be done.
Leave, I put up with all that for 16 years. From when I was 17! In the end he cheated & left me anyway. I’m still single 5 years later. But still feel less lonely than in the relationship
I had a very similar experience. All the things you listed in my previous marraige
I ended up cheating too. I also didn't tell him afterwards... I swore i wouldn't do it again, and I would work on the marriage, only to get embroiled again and emotionally cheat.
Essentially, a year later I left him for good, he still doesn't know I cheated or had emotional affairs, but I'm here to say, if you want to leave, those feelings aren't likely to go away.
He isn't likely to turn a new leaf and turn into a doting lover, he is the way he is, and he won't change. And that's okay. You have put everything into your marriage, you have tried to make it work, unfortunately it hasn't.
There is really no point in keeping up appearances if you are not satisfied in all these different ways with him. Unfortunately the infidelity will happen again... I promise you that.
I would leave him, and let him go on with his life and you, go on with yours.
What have you got to loose? What have you got to gain? Happiness?
Leave. He deserves better. You should have left before you cheated if you weren’t happy.