What to tell my child when they grow up..
So my child's father and I weren't together long (7 months) when I got pregnant. My child's father ended up getting locked up when I was 4 months pregnant for 12 months and I ended things then. When I went into Labor I contacted welfare at the jail to let him know. He called a few times checking in. Fast forward to him being released in Sept 2020 he came and met my child and saw them again the next day then he was gone. I didn't hear one word from him. He missed my child's first haircut, swimming lessons, Christmas etc etc. Then he was arrested again in Jan this year and he called me asking if he can be present in my child's life (he had that opportunity and chose drugs and crime over getting to know my baby) .
I refuse to take my child to the jail to visit as I don't want my child thinking it's normal. I don't even really want to tell my child that their dad's in jail (he's looking at a long sentence (36+ months).
My child's father has not been present at all during pregnancy or the first year and won't be for years to come. It breaks my heart for my child..
What would you twlll your child that's under 5 when they start asking why they don't have a dad?
Child's father in jail
Child's father in jail
Posted in:
Kids
3 Replies
I would be honest. Its much better that they know a basic version of the truth, than nothing at all. I work at a school and have kids announce dads in jail (among other things) and the thought might horrify you at first, but i think these kids get to process it and will be better off than the ones that are sheltered and either have info missing or get a bomb dropped.
A simple truth for a young kid is that dad makes choices about his life that make him not able to be a good dad. But you have me.
My friends kids dad is in an out and the issue for you will be the same as she had, the way he makes contact and sporadically wants in and does a lousy job and disappears.
I think you should make the decision now how youre going to proceed with contact, either cut him off completely or let him come and go each time.
I wouldn't say anything right now.
Children of that age just don't understand, and the longer they are away from the dad then they tend to forget who he is. Let Dad go down the right avenues if he wants to be in thier life, if he wants it enough he will go through mediation and courts etc. (I'd put money on it that he won't)
Unfortunately they will always choose drugs. My stepkids mother is the same. She has brief moments of parenting. Then disappears into the next man's bed, and the next man's crack pipe.
Her kids are 11 and 12 now, have some serious abandonment issues with her and are constantly being let down over and over again. We haven't told them that she's an addict, as right now they don't understand what it means to be an addict or what drugs actually do to people. But, they are old enough to understand she is letting them down repeatedly which is causing the issues for them to be honest.
Save your kids the trouble..... if/when they ask then be open to making the contact with him when they're older. But these are crucial years of development which will pave the rest of thier personalities and how they are treated in the future. If dad can't be arsed to step up, then you take those babies and step out, untill they (the kids) ask to know him.
Good luck xxx
My sons father has not been around since he was 2.5, he's now 8.5. I always told him age appropriate truth and he understands.
People make decisions in life and for your child his father has made poor decisions which means he can't choose to be around, its ok to feel sad about that as a child but reiterate all the people in your lives who do love and care for both of you.