we live in a small town so we have a small school recently my son has become a victom of bullying (he has been punch in the face whipped with hats and pushed over many times)... am i wrong in wanting to send the parents a message to try and sort it out or do i just keep letting the school handle it? i have drafted a message so should i send it? if u recieved a message like this would you feel offended? am i wrong in what im trying to do?
ive never met or spoken to the parents so i dont want to come across as being a b****..
Ps... my son is only 6
Hi ______
I dont know how to say this with out it sounding horrible.. (not my intension at all) but my child is the one that james has been picking on.. i was just wondering if we could meet at the park or anywhere to see if we can sort it out, boys will be boys but hoping if they got to know eachother they could atleast try and get along... my son is to scared to go to school and im not sure what else i can do except getting them together without the school enviroment to see if they can get along.. i hope this message isnt coming across wrong thats not what i wanted it sound like..
13 Replies
I would work with the school, and if you are not satisfied, take it up further. What has the school done so far to resolve this issue?
Work with the school. Generally, the kids learn it from somewhere and it is usually the parents. Granted, my son has picked up a lot of negative behaviour from other kids but the minute I see or hear about it I will take action. If I was aware he was a perpetrator I would be MORTIFIED. Do you know if the school are actually taking action though?
Even invite the boy over for a playdate with no mention of the bullying. Find out why it is happening.
You could even say "Hi _________", I was wondering whether James would like to come over for a play or we go to a park? My son (name) has said that they haven't been getting along so great at school lately and would really like to get to know him better so that they can work towards a friendship, he is quite shy about attending school and I feel this could be really beneficial to the both of them.
If it were me I'd keep pushing the school to deal with it I'd also approach the parents at school when they are with the child and introduce yourself. You could say something like the boys are having some issues are you aware ? I hope they can work it out don't you?
I think confronting them is holding them a but more accountable that their child is bullying yours it also shows the child that the kid his bullying has a Mum who isn't happy and is telling his parents which sometimes is enough for kids to stop. Good luck & be strong as your child deserves a bully free time at school don't stand for anything less Xx
Hopefully the parents are the aproachable type as approaching them by speaking to them could make it worse
Schools heavily discourage parents from taking schoolyard bullying issues into their own hands because it often makes things worse!
You've got to remember, you may not be dealing with level headed, rational parents here.
If I sent your exact message to the mother of my child's bully, I'd have her knocking on my door threatening violence (no, I'm not even kidding).
Do everything through the school, via email so there's a paper trail, then if there's no improvement or you're unsatisfied with the way school has handled it, take it higher to the education department.
The problem with contacting the parents is you assume they are reasonable people and they are safe to contact them.
Do not contact them.
Do not make a play date with your child’s bully (way to traumatise your kid further).
Sometimes bullies come from dysfunctional homes and there is often a lot more going on than we know about behind the scenes.
I’ve heard of the bullies parents attacking the victim and there parents after being contacted.
The school acts as a go between for a reason.
Nope. Dont do it.
Theres way too much apologizing in that message as it is but its a bad idea to contact them and worse idea to have your children meet up out of school.
Its not going to go your way and you cant even imagine all the ways it will go wrong.
Put distance.
Report everything to the school.
If its ongoing, get back to school and demand further action. They should be separated (please note this for yourself) and they should not go anywhere near each other.you need stronger boundaries and you need to be more direct and assertive when you speak about it.
My son had an issue years ago, not ongoing bullying but a little online, they were very young, I contacted the mother, she was mortified and put an end to it. She was glad that I let her know. As the kids grew older, this child showed himself to be a great kid, it was just a little online gaming that went a bit far, but the mother nipped it in the bud. I was lucky they were a lovely family. I think she appreciated me going to her rather than the school, I didn’t know her at the time. Just another perspective.
If you want to talk to the mum, ask the school to arrange a meeting.
Leave it up to school(even though school was useless) I had issues and its better to do it that way as some parents can be as bad as their child's behaviour.
As a mum in a small country town, sometimes these things can be handled a bit less formally than what a lot of these comments are suggesting. You will probably cross paths a lot and your kids will probably be in the same classes and extra curricular activities for years to come. I feel that being direct and polite is the best thing, and that it is mature of you to want to get the boys on the same page instead of just jumping up and down blaming the bully. My husband was fighting with another boy when he was 6. Then the parents and teachers pulled them together and said nobody is getting anywhere by fighting, why dont you just try to get along instead!? And they were best friends from then on for their whole childhood! Still friends now 30 years later! So I WOULD send a message. But I would rephrase it to something like this -
Hi ______
This is ____'s mum and our boys haven't been getting along at school. I'm wondering if you would be open to getting James and ____ together at the park, outside of the school setting to try and get to know each other better and move forward amicably. I'd like to have a chat with you in person and I'm sure if James got to know ___ that he would find they have things in common and could get along better at school.
Regards
___
Dont apologise for wanting to sort it out. And dont worry about offending the other parent. They will want to sort it out too!