How in the ever loving fuck do I get over the asshole who made my life hell???
In the beginning it was amazing. He got on well with my kids and my family. My kids loved him. It was great. He came with some pretty serious baggage, but it was something we talked about often and he seemed to be handling it really well.
Fast forward a year and a half he's destroyed the house while having an epic meltdown. I went to the police and got him removed. I also got an intervention order. This was the climax of about 12 months of bi polar cycles, temper tantrums and arguments. With pockets of great family times and bloody amazing sex.
Today was the first day I saw him in the shops. We live in a small town so it was bound to happen. I got back to my car and broke down. I was shaking and crying. Feeling crazy stupid because every ounce of my body was lusting after him. What he was wearing and the way he looked just fucking melts me.
I want to hate him. I hate myself for missing him so much.
I'll never take him back. He caused nearly $200,000 damage to the house. That in itself is inexcusable. His treatment of me and the kids was horrific when he wasn't well.
Why can't I fucking get over him???
4 Replies
Because the good times in DV situations are so ridiculously good. So we crave that feeling. DV relationships can have an addictive quality too, so we become like addicts chasing that next high (the good times).
What you feeling is pretty normal and it’s one of the many reasons women end up going back.
If you haven’t gotten yourself some counselling it’s a really good idea and if it’s only a recent break up you are going to have to be kind to yourself, just know you are on the right track.
Thats what they do. Stay the hell away from him. Zero contact. Get yourself into a psych as recovery is so hard, they really do a number on you.
Trauma bonding is hard to break. I found looking into trauma bonding helped me to make sense of the feelings I was having and be able to then distance them from what I thought was "love".
You never get over him...you never forget what was said and done..BUT you do learn to live despite what occurred you move forward despite his behaviour and you try every single day every single hour to rebuild your life til one day living has taken over the memories until one day you find yourself not thinking about him until one day you smile knowing you are free of him!
The scars will stay and they will remind of what was...and what to never allow in your life again
I promise it does get easier and it does get better it just takes time 🖤
7 years DV Relationship...10 years to that smile of freedom 🌹