Hey mums, I need your help. I don't even know how to put this into words so please bear with me.
I have 2 kids (14 & 10) with my ex husband. He is a narcissist and controlling.
My kids want to do after school sports this year and 95% of the sports will be during the time I have the kids. My current husband and I pay for everything to do with the kids sports, schooling, medical etc...I do get child support from their father.
Anyway back to the story, we have consent orders through court for the kids (it got messy, this was the only way to settle everything) he has told the kids that unless I have a discussion about their sport with him (he won't contact me first, apparently I have to contact him) that he won't agree to them doing the sport and will not take them to their sports. We love half an hour apart. He in a bigger town, us in a smaller town. He does not and has told the kids, want to travel out to our smaller town for the sports because it is such a long way to travel. Yet I travel twice a day both ways to take the kids to and from school to the bigger town. When I have asked if he would mind helping with any extra curricular assistance, he has always declined as apparently this is what child support is for, I appreciate that I get child support because I know lots of parents that don't.
I guess what I'm asking is, do i just start my kids in the sports they want as 95% of it is done during my time with them and if he doesn't want to take them, then we just work around it or do I just say to the kids no u can't do your sport cause dad won't agree.
I hope that makes sense, I get really anxious and frustrated thinking about it. Thanks for reading.
5 Replies
Yep. You look after your time with them and he looks after his. If a grand final falls in his time and he won't take them, arrange a day swap.
Edited to add... My sister has her daughter's doing an extra ballet class at another dance school to make up for them not getting to Saturday classes each fortnight when they're with their dad. And a mate has his boys in bmx racing meets every 2nd week when he has them as their mum does other stuff with them on her Friday nights (movie nights etc... not another sport).
Ah controlling as ever. Yes tell the children he most likely won't do it on his time so you can promise they can do it on your time only. Don't play his games and if/when he says no to them it's not your fault. Best to have them believe from the start it's a no than have them hope and jump his hoops for him to play with their emotions over it.
Such a power move. In the end he is only hurting his relationship with his kids.
Let them do their sports - hopefully call his bluff,
Just enrol them anyway
100% enrol them, you can't make him take them but he can be the bad guy in this situation. Just inform the coach or head officals that your ex husband is a dick ( maybe in nicer words) and that sometimes due to him the kids won't be there.