My marriage has ended. I wanted the seperation but why do I feel so numb and angry?
I am at home with two little kids trying to let them know that everything is ok and explaining why Daddy can't stay.
I am amicable enough with him and flexible around the child arrangements.
But he gets all the friends, freedom and no responsibilities. I have no one to talk to and have to work, parent, run a household and I just don't know if or when it will get better.
What do I do now? How do I move on?
7 Replies
Set up 50 50 and take your freedom. You need it to be able to move on. You need the nights to be able to go out, socialise, exercise, just find yourself again. Hold him to his responsibilities, then you won't be jealous or angry because you'll have your own happiness.
This is why people need to think before telling someone to leave because they're bored. Not that that's your situation... I have no idea.... but it isn't easy even if you are the one making the decisions.
It gets easier, it’s always hard when they are young though and for the first year.
I left my ex 5 years ago..... I haven’t had a night away in 5 years because dad only wants then 1 day a fortnight and I can’t ‘force’ him to have more.
You get use to it. I might be a little lonely sometimes but I have my kids and they respect me for always being here when they need me.
I’d say in all honesty I was probably angry for the first 6mths. He wouldn’t step up as a parent and I had to do it all myself AND get criticised for not being the ‘prefect’ parent. Not to mention him slagging me off lying to everyone about why we separated and everyone being to gutless to come and ask so just believed him.
But I got over it and I’m really happy now I answer to no one and the kids and I have a great time doing our own thing and relaxing without some overbearing doof telling us what to do :)
Exact same experience as mine.
Same I couldn't give a F about his freedom. I wish hed go further away. The struggle for my own life balance is real though, finding the right people and activities is really hard and really important. And it always changes as people move and change and kids do too, just keep trying.
You're numb and angry Because you feel he got of scot free with his freedom while you didn't. You answered it in your own post.
You move on by not focussing on that, focus on you, your kids, your job and your life. When you feel ready, join some groups to meet people. School P&C , canteen , workmates, sports clubs, rekindle old frendships, volunteer somewhere, community groups etc etc ..
I focussed on my kids, rebuilding myself, hibernating a little to avoid drama and just stay focussed..... I know there will be a time when I’ll be ready to move forward. For me, I can’t manage more then just kids, work, house - but the routine and feeling in control of what I can control helps me heal each day. Social nights are planned but they are with close mates so I can be myself