My husband broke my trust. We were at a party and a mutual friend was getting a bit too close to him. The mutual friend ended up straddling my husband, whispering in his ear and trying to kiss him - I saw it happen more than once. My husband just sat there and let it happen. He says he didn't encourage her bit he also didn't push her off or tell her it was inappropriate. I am so hurt by my husband's lack of action. It is making me doubt all the times he has been out and told me that nothing has happened. How can he respect me or even love me if he allows that?
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Yeah that's really weird, to do it when youre there of course he's worse when youre not. What's going on with him? Is it a thing between them? Was he drunk and stupid?
Always listen to your gut but talk with him about it. If you find it hard to talk about it without getting emotional (as I do) consider putting it down on paper and either reading it to him or just letting him read it. I wonder if he was feeling like he didn’t know how to tell her to bugger off? Maybe he was simply too shocked or awkward to know how to reject her advances? As for the “friend” I’d be kicking her to the kerb. Friends don’t try to seduce friends husbands! Good luck honey. Follow your gut. It will never let you down
Wow I'm pissed at your husband and he's not mine! How revolting that he did not firmly put boundaries in place!!! This is about showing respect for you and your marriage, he should protect it and ensure you never even have to doubt where his loyalty lies. As for the 'nothing happened', it happened right in front of you, she should NEVER have been able to straddle him and he should have firmly told her to f**k off! If a woman thinks a man is off limits she won't usually even bother trying, what vibes is he putting out there, is he usually a flirt?? I was married to a man like this and thankfully it ended after multiple affairs no one told me about. He always claimed he was just 'being nice'. I remarried a man the complete opposite who would tell any woman who tried it on him to go away and leave him alone. Do not let your husband give you any lame excuses for his behaviour. I also learnt it was not about the other woman in the end as if it was not this one it would be another. This is about your husband and his lack of boundaries.
and she got away with it more than once according to the OP which suggests plenty of opportunity for him to 'get over' his shock and react.
To play devils advocate here, I've been in a situation like your husband's.
What probably looked like a lack of action from someone else's perspective was actually me being so shocked and uncomfortable that I froze because I didn't know what to do.
Yes to some extent, and if he was drunk, there could have been a delay and as long as his hands weren't on her and he wasn't encouraging it, his mind may have been processing it just way too slowly.
That's a huge benefit of the doubt though and would really need to be a certain scenario as in absolutely no hint of interest given and the woman having no clue either.
And then him distancing so it doesn't happen again. Being passive can be excused for a one off surprise incident, it isn't an excuse after that though.
That was my thought. Or even potentially realising she was drunk and would just stop if he didn't respond.
All about the husband, but the so - called mutual 'friend' should be sent to the 'somebody that i used to know' box. Mutual friend's Dont go this far. Its even worse than a stranger. She needs confronting too not just him.
Sometimes you just assume the boundaries are in place but men are dumb sometimes, you have every right to be pissed at him. I personally be outlining the law again and no more chances.
And as for this mutual she is nothing but trouble I would not be associating with her and not should your husband
Did you say something??
Did you walk over and say “oi wtf” “get off my husband?”
Or did you just sit there and watch her do it a second time.
To me this is a 3 way thing
You - watched it unfold and then watched it happen a second time. Did you pull that bitch aside and say “keep your grimy mits off my husband you're being really inappropriate?”
Husband - didn’t say anything, have you spoken about it. Asked why he didn’t push her off? He’s a dick for not pushing her off but if you had said something the first time it is very unlikely it would have happened a second time. Totally not on for me and i would have yelled across the room that “I see your bitch arse, get off my husband and stop acting like a ho” and then would have said “wtf , why are you letting her act like a ho all over you, do you have any respect for me”
Her - fucking drunk ass ho, with no morals that you need to stop being friends with because she wants your husband. Warn close friends of her behaviour and make it known that shes willing to go for married men and to not trust her. Exclude her from social gatherings and hope she finds a new friends group and goes for a man thats not already taken and doesn't actually break up a family with her behaviour”
A ho gets paid... she aint a ho.. a slut does it for free.. she aint that in this circumstance either.
But a slag is a scrag who throws herself all over any man for a bit of dirty flirty in that moment.
Thats her . I'd ditch a bitch.
YUCK! If i was you, i’d leave him. May sound extreme but i can honestly say, i would never trust that man again. Throw the ‘friend’ out too. You can’t be happy if you’re constantly questioning everything about your partner.
Umm! I would have walk over and rip her by her hair off of my Husband. Then I would have ripped my Husband a new one.
I know my Husband flirts with other women but he never touches them or would he sit there with another woman on his lap. This is a huge red flag and I would be furious that he just sat there
For everyone saying that she should have done this and that... Unless you've been in that position, you don't know how you would act.
I would ditch that 'friend'... I had one like that and she honed in my (then) husband. When we broke up, they got together (surprisingly 🙄😂). She did me a favour though! But worth reflecting on other situations that might have given you a weird gut feeling about things your husband might have done in the past. He might be innocent in it all or he might be balls deep in the 'friend'. Sorry 😔
Wow, I was told that I my "insecurity" in a similar situation that played out over months "should have been a red flag to him"... You know what? F#ck that. If shock doesn't make you sit bolt upright and launch the skank off your lap... Then he ain't shocked, hubby dearest is lapping up the sexually charged attention and you will be made to feel like $hit for ever thinking something that challenges the narrative of him being a superhero/ devoted and amazing human. Gag choke gag! She ended up marrying his doppelganger and her behaviour kept going for years, muted until she found out we split. They could be boning like rabbits for all I care now. F#ck that guy.