Hi ladies
I have been with my husband for 10 years and we have 3 kids one of which has special needs. Ever since we got together he has had issues with my family and friends and has been very vocal to both them and me about how he feels. He puts me down when I don’t agree with him and says I’m as f’ked up as they are, I’m crazy, I’m psycho etc. He has provoked me so many times with his words and actions but then says I’m the crazy one.
We want to separate (I think he thinks I’ll go back this time but I won’t) I’m done. My issue is that I do everything for the kids, cook, clean, bathe, change nappies (9 year old special needs), all activities, you name it. But he says I’m a bad mother, doesn’t trust me with his kids and that they are happier with him. I’m scared of what he will say and try to take them away from me. I have proof of messages between us and also a diary or things that have happened but he is just so manipulative and controlling that I fear what he’s going to do. He jibed and jibed me the other day saying I was a boring loser. He had been drinking and he made me soooo mad, I punched him in the shoulder and he said I abused him and he was going to go to the police. Anyway I’ve taken my kids and we’ve had a few days away but now he’s saying I’m keeping the kids from him.....😩 I’ve spoken to friends and counselors about him and how he makes me feel and so many say that it’s domestic violence, but he says that I’m the crazy abusive one.....
Anyone have any advise for this stressed out mumma who thinks she will lose her kids 😔
4 Replies
Well done for getting yourself and the kids away from this a@&hole. That’s the first step and it is so damn hard to do so sending huge hugs and pats on the back.
Continue keeping your records. Save screenshots of text messages etc.
sounds like he is a classic narcissist to me - they do love twisting facts to make it look like we are the crazy ones. I haven’t done a custody fight yet, but I’m sure if it was needed the counsellor would advocate on your behalf or write a letter or something. You’ve got this mumma. I’m proud of you. Don’t forget to reach out for support from your people and stay strong xx
The first thing you want to do is kick him out of your head. Every doubt in there, he put there. What that does is manifest into anxiety that you can't do it without him and so it continues.
Letting him get in your head is how you found yourself hitting him. I'm not going to lie, that won't be looked upon favourably. Time for some damage control.
Anger management. Get into it now, not later. It shows you're remorseful and want to solve this problem.
Mediation for care of the children and make it a binding agreement so if he decides he's not giving the kids back you can have the cops deal with him. Do not leave them with him until that is in place.
That is so very well said.
Keep your kids away and start court proceedings. Your children will get their own appointed lawyer who will speak with and for them. It's definitely domestic violence/gas lighting. He seems extremely mentally unstable. Protect your babies no matter what. It is a long process but stay strong for your babies. Find yourself a really good support network and keep yourself safe. Best of luck mumma x
I am almost 8 years post your exact situation, my ex is still hard to deal with but life is much happier.