My husband and I have been together nearly 15 years, married for 7 and have 4 amazing kids.
When we first got together, we had the relationship dreams were made of. We loved each other hard and we were a team and he was such a loving partner, my best friend and such a great dad.
Over the past few years I have had to deal with his excess alcohol consumption, his negative attitude towards us all and his emotional cheating (as far as I know it was a one time thing and it is over. I have forgiven that and moved on from it) Everytime a new issue comes up we "deal" with it and then move on. He comes good for a week or 2 then straight back into his old ways (apart from the emotional cheating, as far as I know that has stopped) I feel as though I am a single mum with very little help and support from him and over the years I have built so much resentment towards him, it has become too much for me to handle.
We have spoken about these issues so many times but he doesnt seem to get it. I have considered leaving but can never bring myself to do it. While I don't feel as though I am in love with him anymore, I still love him and can't imagine my future without him and my kids adore him. I want to be deeply in love with him again but not like this.
I feel as though we have reached breaking point in our marriage and I feel like this year is make or break for us. Before we reach the point of no return I want to try Marriage counselling and was wondering if anyone can recommened good marriage counsellor in or around North Brisbane.
Or if anyone can offer advice on how to best handle where we are at.
Thanks
3 Replies
I could have written this myself three years ago. Marriage counselling is a great idea. I don't live in Brisbane but I highly recommend anyone trained by the gottman institute. You can google gottman as they have some great videos. I wish I had done it a lot earlier and I may still be married. For me I let it continue too long until it got so bad I had to leave. Then we tried marriage counselling when we were separated. I know that if we had done it a year earlier we could have probably survived. My story is that I left and said I would reconsider reconcilling when the drinking and behaviour stopped. He did and I went back - but then he left me for someone else. If you are feeling out of love then he might be too. My advice from lived experience is avoid putting your kids or yourself through the rollercoaster - reignite your marriage (with a lot of hard work and honesty) or leave for good with no return. Anything in between is agony for you all. You deserve a loving, committed, emotionally and physically safe relationship that doesn't require you to compromise or forgive constantly. You are a wonderful wife and mother to want to work on it and I hope your husband sees that too.
This post could have been written by me! (I posted something similar a while ago) and it’s hard yards. My partner and I have been together 18 years with 2 children also. I really don’t have a whole lot of advice but just wanted to let you know that there’s many out there in similar shoes. Counseling is a good start (although we only ever attended one session) and be open and honest about how you’re feeling. Even if you’re repeating yourself over and over! If you need to, pack up and leave if you can and give him a wake up call?
I agree re the counseling idea. A lot of what you refer to is the normal progress of a long term relationship, but of course some of it is completely unacceptable too. But you couldn’t possibly have long term peace of mind (and neither will your kids) if you walk away from such a huge part of your life without doing everything possible to save it. And that definitely includes counseling, as a couple and individual. You don’t need to make any hasty decisions about leaving, though the option is always there, but the sooner you embark on some positive work the happier you’ll all be.